Bridging the Gap
The many faces of marriage and sexuality
Marriage as we know it is neither universal nor predominant in human socities. But some sort of socially approved relationship between adult males and females, providing for the fulfillment of sexual needs and the legitimacy of children, is necessary and universal.
Marriage and love do not always go hand in hand. In many societies of the world, love is not a requisite for marriage. But marriage and human sexuality are related in virtually all known humans societies. Sexuality provides the biological basis of human reproduction and preservation of the species. The influence of culture on sexual behavior is particularly evident in areas of childhood sexuality, extramarital sexual activity, homosexuality, and incest, all of which are expressed in a wide range of forms in different societies.
The degree of freedom that children and young people have to explore their bodies and experiment with their developing sexual capabilities varies enormously (Miller & Weitz 1979). Among the Toba Indians of northern Argentina, for instance, children touch their genitals and play love-making games with dolls and other play objects, showing intercourse between the objects of play with no objection from adults. The play is ignored rather than reprimanded or laughed at. Similar adult indifference is found among the Trobriand Islanders, where children listen to ribald conversations and observe adults engaged in intercourse. Early childhood sex play, including mutual stimulation of genital organs, is casual and frequent. Older Trobriand boys and girls encouraged to form sexual attachments. By mid-adolescence they have graduated from series of frequent but casual sexual encounters to a more permanent relationship that may culminate in marriage.
Similarly, a wide variation is observed in the extent to which extramarital sexual activity is permitted, condoned, or prohibited (Ford & Beach, 1951). For example, the Todas of India allow a woman to have not only more than one husband but a number of lovers as well. This pattern should be seen as practical convenience for males rather than as a license for females. This is due to the fact that the Todas have a disproportionately low number of adult females, due to the practice of female infanticide. The Marquesans of Polynesia similarly permit men and women to have extramarital intercourse in their wives' sisters and husbands' brothers. A particular form of extramarital relationship is wife-exchange or wife-lending, practiced by the Eskimos and related cultures. At the other extreme was the culture of early New England settlers in the United States where adulterers were physically punished and exiled.
The extent to which homosexuality may be encouraged, tolerated, or tabooed, varies widely. Homosexuality does occur among minority of people in every society and wherever it is found, it is more prevalent among males than it is in females. Homosexual relationships were practiced in ancient Greece and Rome. Among the Keraki of New Guinea all men are expected to have homosexual experience before marriage and are considered abnormal if they do not. (Ford & Beach, 1951).
No matter how permissive a society may be in sexual matters there is always some rules limiting the category of appropriate sexual partners. Prohibitions usually apply to varying categories of relatives, and almost universally to all members of conjugal family (except, of course, the husband and wife). The term incest taboo is applied to the prohibition of sexual contact to certain categories of kin.
In some societies, however, there is preference for sexual liaison and marriage within the kinship circle (Miller & Weitz, 1979). The practice of mating between brothers and sisters in royal families among the Incas of Peru and of ancient Egypt is a classic example. Among the Saha of Columbia, in South America, a preferred marriage is between relatives. Here every person is expected to have at least two marriages in a lifetime. The preferred second wife for a man is the daughter, by an earlier husband, of his first wife. Such a marriage is termed mother-daughter marriage.
As we can see, practices involved in love, marriage and sex differ from society to society and from generation to generation. Many of these practices may appear weird or even primitive to us. But we must bear in mind that every culture is functional and perfectly acceptable to the people possessing it. Therefore, it is just fair that we do not judge another culture on the basis of our own.