Serendipity
Keeping it Simple
(For the best perspective on life, nothing tops the view from a hospital bed)
Last month, I spent most of Valentine's Day in bed. I wish I was doing whatever it is you're thinking I was doing on the day of love, but there I was, lying supine on an uncomfortable hospitable bed, drugged, restless, and in pain. It was my third day with an I.V. line as a leash, and if I was a dog, I would have loved the hospital food.
I asked for morphine one night and the flock of resident doctors who barged in my room looked at me with incredulous eyes. Apparently, asking for a measly 10 mg. of morphine for my flank pain was tantamount to begging for a morphine drip. I was given a puny tablet of Buscopan instead. My diagnosis: Nephritis. In medical parlance it literally means "inflammation of the kidney/s", in my vocabulary it means, "slow down master, or we'll check out on you". And we all know what that means. If your kidneys go on a sabbatical, it's either you feast with the Gods or dine in Hades. Kidneys never take the time off -- that's the wonder of physiology.
There are only a few moments in a person's life when he or she feels the most vulnerable. One would probably be spending a day in a nudist beach with an ugly rash on your bum and the other would be lying down on a hospital bed with an I.V. needle stuck at the back of your hand. For me it's the latter (nudist beaches aren't exactly my thing).
I say that for the best perspective on life, nothing tops the view from a hospital bed. Somehow from that vantage point, when you're all askew and uncomfortable and the only bearable position is to keep still, everything becomes clearer and utterly simple. Lying on that bed for three days has once again made me realize that life is short and stress can kill (and if I don't get out of the hospital soon, the bill will kill me faster than my inflamed kidneys).
And so I've made a pact with myself. I've decided to keep things simple. Because, like most things in life -- simple is better, less is more. Whether we're talking about food, clothes, goals or lifestyle -- keeping things simple will make us happier and more content. Of course, I've known this all along. But we always want to wait for that inopportune time before we come up with our life resolutions. In my case, the whistle-blowers were my beat up kidneys.
And so, I've slowed down. I've given up some of the things that I know would just unnecessarily stress me out and focus on what really matters: my family and our future. I have come to a point in my life when I don't have to prove anything to myself or to anyone. I'm done with that. I know who I am and what I can do. I don't need to be validated by material things, two dozen fake friends, high-powered corporate positions, senseless social gatherings, print media exposures, or become a hyphenated jack-of-all-trades (like maybe become a writer-designer-stylist-graphic artist-events organizer-show director-professional moocher-wannabe scenester and basically an all-out loser). (Yes, I've slowed down but that doesn't mean I've slowed down with the bitching.)
It's much sweeter this way and far more relaxing, to be in this state where I don't really give a hoot about what people think; to not want to conform just to be accepted; to not be consumed with winning the rat race; and to not want to see and be seen (but probably just heard and read -- hey, I have a column after all). I love my life now. I'm doing the things that I like (i.e. writing and a few other important tasks which are all part of my 5-year plan) and celebrating the small and big things that are most meaningful to me (like listening to my almost 2-year old daughter talk and finally launching the Iloilo Yearbook 2007 just last Wednesday). There are so many things that I'm thankful for, and although I'm not the type to name drop -- God has been so good.
I enjoy looking in from outside of the fish bowl now. The view is much clearer out here. And yes, simpler. Just like the view on that hospital bed, minus the bill.