Accents
Job hunting
Media’s thundering roar on ROR (gosh, what a homonym for the Right of Reply) sent the bill cowering in the corner like a whipped dog. Now on the throes of death, I doubt very much it will pass Congress. Let the sponsors of ROR convince fellow legislators to support the bill, and let’s see who will be media’s next whipping boy. Meantime, I go to a subject most critical during this period of worldwide economic downturn: job hunting.
Here in the U.S. of A., lay-offs rise to tens of thousands. Several corporations file bankruptcies, many companies down-size, and franchise dealers close shop. Weeks ago, CNN featured a line of 1,200 unemployed applying for a mere 35 job openings. With a secure “employment” as “d-h” to grandkid Danika, joblessness is not a problem for the hubby and me. For the whole of America, the problem is of gargantuan magnitude: whether or not Pres. Barack Obama’s stimulus package by the billions is the ray of light at the end of the dark tunnel of economic woes.
Meanwhile in Bayan Ko, commencement exercises in most schools are over, and graduates go job hunting. S/He sends out application letters by the dozens, hoping that one of these will extricate her/him out of the swelling ranks of the unemployed. How well written is that letter? A word or two could spell rejection or acceptance that will open the door to economic freedom.
I wonder if this is a hint to the job seeker. My own application letter written some 50 odd years ago always carried this statement: I have an enormous appetite for hard work. Looking at it now from the vantage of a retired employee, I could feel in the statement youth given to exuberance and passion and exaggeration. Let me emphasize here that it was an honest exaggeration. (Don’t tell me this is a contradiction in terms because it was honest in my case, cross my heart and hope to…, the way we swore during our teenage days). Upon graduation I was raring to work, get my first salary, and bid goodbye to allowances from my financially beleaguered parents. Work would just be wonderful! No school, no books, no studies. The start of a wonderful life of WORK, say you, Graduate?
For the graduate coming out fresh from that university in Diliman, work was hard as a reporter, was exalted soon to columnist, then it was taking over the editorship of the now defunct Movie Confidential magazine from the great writer Estrella Alfon who left the paper for more lucrative endeavors. Left it myself, too, for the same reason plus the fact that the denizens of the silver screen were not exactly what I wanted in my cup of tea. Why do I suffer the Graduate with this bit of personal info? For him/her to land a job by being passionate about hard work and being honest about it.
In the following email sent by a cousin in Los Angeles, California, honesty is not a lonely word. It was able to secure a job for this McDonald’s applicant:
This is “claimed” to be an actual job application a 17-year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida, and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
MARRIED: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I were in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, wouldn't I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries
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‘Tis said Aries was hired because he was so honest and funny. Methinks being funny weighs little, but being honest is always a heavyweight. Honesty goes a long way, and a bit of humor is a trump card especially during these hard times. Job hunting will continue next week with a dash of color, laughter, and hope—what we all need to combat the blues.
(Email: lagoc@hargray.com)