SERENDIPITY
by Joanne Marie Combong – Pijuan

Desperate housewives Pinoy style

It's taking over America . “Desperate Housewives”, ABC's newest primetime soap about the secret and not-so secret lives of five suburban housewives has all of America in a cult-like TV tizzy. Unless you live like a hermit or have permanently shunned the glorious benefits of having cable TV for some unexplainable reason, you probably know what I'm talking about.

Although the soap has not yet hit this part of the world yet (remember when Carrie Bradshaw wannabes emulated the flower pin trend without realizing that the “Sex and the City” episodes they were watching were at least 2 seasons late? That's how pathetically behind we are – TV and fashion-wise), anyone who has surfed the cable channels have probably seen footages of the show. Everyone's talking about it, from the gossipy Entertainment Tonight, to gab and gag hosts Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien, and even Oprah (she's a big “Desperate” fan by the way).

The soap's popularity has definitely resuscitated the showbiz careers of some of the cast members and has turned them from has-beens to household names. Meet Susan Mayer (Teri Hatcher), the love-crazed divorcee/single mom; Bree Van de Kamp (Marcia Cross), the soap's version of Martha Stewart on steroids; Lynette Scavo (Felicity Huffman), the ex-career woman who traded her power suits to aprons and motherhood; Gabrielle Solis (Eva Longoria), the ex-model who has everything – a rich husband, a big house and a 17-year-old boy toy cum gardener; and of course, to complete the cast, there's Edie Britt (Nicollette Sheridan), Wisteria Lane's sexy, serial divorcee.

With the media and viewer attention this show is irrepressibly getting in the U.S. , I don't have to be a soothsayer to be able to predict that anytime in the very near future, we will be seeing bastardized versions of this soap opera broadcasted by the local networks. This is exactly the reason why I avoid one-digit TV channels. I get hives seeing bastardized versions of Fear Factor, Amazing Race, Survivor, American Idol, and the like. This show, with its marketability and universality will predictably and inevitably spawn inferior Pinoy versions. Again, call me a snotty elitist, but this is why I abhor Pinoy TV -- we have no originality whatsoever.

OK, I know I'm jumping the gun here, but let's just say that I'm right (I usually am). An enterprising TV producer jumps at the “Desperate” bandwagon, creates a “Desperadong Maybahay” or some other equally inanely-titled version of the nighttime soap and sells it to the leading TV network. What do you think will be the main plot and who will give comelodramatic (comedy/melodramatic) life to the characters? Hmm… I'm seeing the likes of Jean Garcia and Eula Valdez (forgive me but my roster of telenovela artista names is quite limited). Will “Desperate Housewives” Pinoy version also be as glamorous as the one in the U.S. where all the wives have 25-inch waistlines and close to perfect bodies? Will they live in a Wisteria Lane -like suburb, drive SUVs, and play hooky with their 17 year-old boy toy gardeners? Knowing our national habit of copycatting, I won't be surprised if I'll see a “Desperate” Doppelganger soon.

Instead of copycatting, why don't we show the real Pinoy desperate housewives? The ones with the 35-inch waistlines thickened by straddling babies on their hips; those who live in the slums wallowing in poverty without food to feed their six kids; or the ones who toil under the heat of the sun selling isaw while their husbands are playing hooky with their GRO mistresses.

I'm sure even the “Desperate Housewives” tagline: “Everyone has a little dirty laundry” will be copied. But of course, it will take on a more literal instead of figurative meaning once the Pinoy networks will get a hold of this true-to-life soap. Expect leading laundry detergents to advertise. Abangan!