Serendipity
By Joanne Marie Combong - Pijuan

Hell hath no fury

Ranting time has come. There's nothing more liberating than sitting in front of your computer and letting off steam. The written word is a powerful tool to get certain messages across. It's not as messy or as cheap as loudly spewing invectives at someone while laughing at her inadequacies, from the tips of her bulbous nose to her dead toenails; or forcefully grabbing someone by the roots of her re-bonded / relaxed hair and pulling to your heart's content. The act of blowing off steam through writing is even more effective, powerful, and infinitely more painful than physically harming someone, simply because the object(s) of your disgust could relive the moment by reading and rereading your article, write-up, letter, or in this case – column, over and over again depending on how masochistic they, he, she, or “it” may be.

Believe me, there's more to ranting than emotional therapy. It's a moving, life-altering, negativity-and-stress-busting activity that all intelligent life forms should engage in at one point of their goody-two-shoes lives. Although my catholic school upbringing is screaming “to err is human, to forgive, divine”— I'll scoot over that saintly pleasantry for now and indulge in some good old fashioned bashing.

“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” No one is angrier than a woman who has been rejected in love. According to The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, this proverb is adapted from a line in the play “The Mourning Bride”, by William Congreve, an English author of the late seventeenth and early eighteenth centuries. I love saying this proverb simply because of its veracity. This adage has actually inspired scorned women to become creative in their quest for justice against men (think boiling rabbits ala Fatal Attraction and my personal favorite – dismemberment, Lorena Bobbit-style).

These past weeks have been hellish for me. I've been absorbing beastly and bloodcurdling tales about how some of my friends and close relatives have been mercilessly dumped by insensitive, selfish men. Some men, especially those who have commitment issues, have “Peter Pan” and gypsy complexes, and those who get a kick out of womanizing and engaging in simultaneous relationships with other women, should be lynched and emasculated (or to be graphic about it, deballed). I call on all ye scorned women of the world – draw your machetes or a small scalpel will do (I don't think you need a big instrument for such a miniscule organ – as long as it's sharp, sister) and may the gumption of Lorena Bobbit be with you!

Hell hath no fury like a peeved and bypassed employee. Now this is a classic. Nothing irks me more than hearing stories about how hardworking, loyal, intelligent, but clout-less employees are just deliberately ignored, backstabbed, bamboozled, and deceived by ambitious, ass-licking, insecure, brainless, power-tripping co-workers and ingrate bosses. I've always loathed “ sip-sip” traitors in the workplace who pull deserving employees down by bypassing them and putting some lame-brained, unqualified, inept “ simpledor” (meaning: an employee who disappears for hours with ninja-like propensity to avoid work) and chronic liar in a crucial, managerial position.

If I was the owner of the company, I'd burn these hypocrites at the stake (esp. the ones who sit in the front pew when attending mass) or pummel them using 4-inch white pumps (to reiterate how fashionably “ baduy ” they are) until their eyes pop out or they become cock-eyed from the pain. No wonder the office / company this triumvirate of idiots (headed by an androgynous lilliput) is running is slowly going down the drain and being overtaken by its local competitors. Remember people, bad karma has many faces, the world is round, and Confucius is my witness. For those people who have been victimized in one way or another by these unhappy stooges and particularly those who are no longer working with these evil dimwits – the last laugh will be yours. Ha!ha!ha!

Ah, there's really nothing like ranting and lambasting to your heart's content – especially if your subjects deserve it. I would have written more but I'll save some of my rage for another day. Indeed hell hath no fury like a person who has been slighted, hurt, and deceived. Forgive me, but I have to use my pidgin, bastardized lingo for this: “Stone-rock-bato in heaven, if you get hit, don't get mad – just say, Ouch!” J