Unusual Channel
By. Ma. Renette B. Uy

Love is a decision

Keep your eyebrows down and hold your horses!! It is not some kind of a TV ad or a tagline for a Valentine treat. It's my personal opinion so no violent objections please! Everyone is entitled to their own opinion of LOVE and I respect that. Moreover, my own opinion of LOVE is from my own experience. Different strokes for different folks as the cliché goes.

LOVE is a decision for me after being married for almost five years now. It may not be a big number compared to those who are married for more than ten years. But let me pose this question… why are you in a marriage? Did you marry for love or something else? And by the way, by saying that Love is a decision does not mean it is not a feeling. Of course, it is a feeling, it should be. But why do I say it is a decision?

Marriage is not all a bed of roses. I knew that when I decided to be wife to my wonderful husband. It is not a bed of roses simply because it has its good times and bad times as well. But did you know that it is in the bad times that I realized the true importance of being married? It is in the bad times that I also realized that I need the person I married more than anything else this world could offer? And it is during the bad times that I get to love this person more because in the good times it's all good anyway why belabor it? That despite the bad times, my love does not diminish in any way, thus it grows and develops into something else every time. It becomes stronger and better every time too. It cannot be denied that my husband and I get into fights. Hurtful words hurled at each other, dagger-like stares and moments of cold treatment. Sometimes, I feel we will not be able to work it out. Sometimes, it gets to a point that I feel so tired about it and I just wanna quit on him. I guess it's pretty normal to feel that way. The best part of it though is the making up. Through all the hurtful words, dagger looks and cold treatments, in the moments when all has been said and all that what's left is silence between us, I think about the times when he was there for me when I gave birth to both our sons waiting patiently outside the delivery room for hours on end. I think of his difficulty sleeping in a small bench just beside my bed inside the hospital room but he doesn't even complain. I think about the moment when he would feed me because I was too weak yet to feed myself after giving birth. When he would take care of the things I need and remind me just to rest because I need to so I can regain my strength. During the times when we hit rock bottom and we just held hands and prayed to God that it will end. These may all look petty for some but for me, it is a constant reminder of the sacrifices my husband did for me so I will feel comfortable and it's a constant reminder too how he loves me. To this day, he makes sure in his little way that I am secure and relax. That when he would have extra money to spare, he buys me my favorite food or he takes me to the movie theater or simply cuddle up in front of the television to watch a great movie.

Pride is the greatest issue between two people fighting and does not want the fight to end. It always gets in the way of reconciliation. I have learned that our fights become longer than usual is when pride takes over. Rejection can be painful too especially when one attempts to patch things up but the other one still feels hurt and does not want to settle at all. Again, love plays a big part. No matter what, I always go back to what I feel and I decide to resolve it by loving and understanding my husband every time it happens. Accept him for what he is and ask for forgiveness if I wronged him or not. It is not because I am stuck with the thought that, “I have no choice because I am married to him”, that is why I have to fix it or work it out. No! I made a decision to marry him through thick or thin, through richer or poorer, in sickness or in health till death do we part! The whole enchilada part of the “I Do” in front of a priest! An oath, a pledge of allegiance to one person alone, a promise, etcetera, etcetera and all that jazz! I should keep that promise because I made that promise in front of God and if by any chance I break that, it is not my husband's heart I will break but God's. I have to admit that sometimes, the most difficult thing to do is to say “I am sorry” even if I am not at fault and same thing with him. But who is to say who is at fault? Fights get longer than it should be because of faultfinding. It becomes unresolved and it stays in the heart as baggage. Funny because I just told a friend that it was better for her that she does not feel any hatred or anger for an ex-boyfriend because in that way she will not have unnecessary baggage. And it's true! You should try it sometimes.

Love is a decision within a marriage. It should be! I know that, because love should be the reason why one should get married, in the first place. No other reason, but that…LOVE! Always decide to love the other person every time a conflict arises. In that way, it is easy to work out differences, misunderstandings and wrong perceptions. For those who are planning to get married especially this coming June, LOVE should always be the most important ingredient. If there is LOVE, everything else follows.

“Man's way leads to a hopeless end, God's way leads to an endless hope.”