Serendipity
By Joanne Marie Combong – Pijuan

Men are from Mars: A female's guide to the male galaxy

My apologies to John Gray, but I deemed it appropriate to use half of his book title for this article. I also ask for the forgiveness of the late Douglas Adams for botching up the title of his cult classic novel for the sake of this write-up on men. Since I promised to write about the male species (for the benefit of women) for the whole month of June, what better way to start by distorting the title of two literary works authored by men, right?

I had a ball (no pun intended) while doing a little bit of research on the topic of men. Women of lesser gumption and experience (ahem) would have been lost in the male maze of research but not me. With my expertise on the subject brought about by: 1) living with four brothers before, during, and after puberty; 2) having two kinds of ex-boyfriends, a) the ones who see reruns of “Platoon” and “Killing Fields” at the mere mention of my name or b) the ones who go through paroxysms of deep pain and regret each time they remember me (I was the one who got away, but they sure were glad I stayed away); 3) having had the distinction and the curse of being named “Syota ng Basement” in college for always hanging out with male dormers (think of the 80s flick “One of the Guys” and not because I was the dorm vamp, which was actually my secret wish but my 17 yr. old waifish, OK, emaciated figure just wouldn't allow that wish to be fulfilled); 4) having excellent knowledge of how the other (un)male half lives (believe me, gays are better versions of men); and of course, 5) my real and genuine love (and hate) for the male kind.

That said and with all the peculiarities of men and their differences with us women, here are a few tips based on my research as well as my personal take on how to successfully get your way, manipulate, seduce, understand, and impress the men in your life a.k.a. A Female's Guide to the Male Galaxy :

“The Godfather” and a few of his favorite things . We want our men to be interested in shopping, chick flicks, the difference between mauve and lilac, Gucci and Pucci, and the justification of why we need more than one pair of black shoes. But do we know what they like and what gives them pleasure? Better brush up on your knowledge of the classic male epic movie starring Brando and Pacino, get to know his latest hobby and do some personal research on a few of his favorite things. The way to a man's heart is not just through his stomach, you know.

For God's sake, give the boy his toy . I always say that the more you deprive a man of the things he loves (to do, to tinker, or to play with); he will still go ahead, do, tinker, and play with it – behind your back. Take for example my husband, he's obsessed with Legend of the Five Rings or L5R (it's a nerdy card game). When I see how he touches and takes care of his cards (like he's holding the Holy Grail), I get hives (yep, I admit, I get jealous). Even if I want to cut those cards into tiny, unrecognizable, little pieces -- I can't and I won't. Those are his toys. I let him play those L5R cards with his friends and he goes home a happy man and the best part is, he becomes putty in my hands right after.

"Wanna dance?” Here's an excerpt on how to lure and captivate men according to W. Bruce Cameron printed in the June issue of Oprah Magazine: “The best way to seduce a man the first time is to let him know you're interested—but not easy—with the word maybe . Maybe you should get together, maybe you'll have a drink with him, maybe you'd like to see his place. There's enough yes in maybe to keep a man from feeling rejected and enough no to keep him challenged. If it's a long-term relationship, the approach is different, but you'll do well if you still think of it as a dance. Get him to snuggle, kiss, and play but once you are there, let him take the lead. Whether it's a date or your 30th anniversary, a man likes to think it's his idea.” Amen. Let's dance to that.

(to be continued)