Serendipity
by Joanne Marie Combong – Pijuan

Men are from Mars: A female's guide to the male galaxy II

Last week I started off my article with some tips on how to get your (evil) way, manipulate, seduce, understand, and impress the men in your life, or as what I so aptly named it-- A Female's Guide to the Male Galaxy. Since we just celebrated Father's Day, I made it a point to do more intense research on the topic of men (which I promised I'd write about until the end of June, or one month of male gorging–hmm, kinky) to give our female readers a much better understanding of why men do what they do. I know I'm supposed to give them some slack considering the celebration, but I just couldn't help it. With the plethora of material out there, I just had to write this second installment so that I could give you a deeper and more comprehensive understanding of the male psyche.

But before giving you that, I must confess. During the course of researching for more material about men, I think that I have finally met my true match. Unbeknownst to my dear husband, I have developed a “kilig” fixation on some guy in the internet. I surrender. File the annulment papers, pack the bags, buy frilly lingerie. Now that I have found who I am up against, it's time I fess up. I admit, I have been secretly seeking answers to my questions on men from another man. But how can I resist? I have always been a sucker for guys with sick humor. So, without further adieu, I would like to share with you some of women's Frequently Asked Questions or FAQs about men as truthfully, concisely and humorously answered by my cyber-flame, Shane S. Chen:

FAQ #1: Why are men such jerks?

It's a Testosterone thing. Much similar to your P.M.S. thing, we men suffer from Testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average lifespan of a male is typically 10 years shorter? And it's not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure! Hormone modifies behavior. We're just misunderstood.

FAQ #2: Why do men always have to ogle at other women?

Again, this is a Testosterone thing. Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorize it for later reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can.

FAQ # 3: Why can't men ever leave the toilet seat down?

Have you ever seen one of us pee? The proper position of the toilet seat is up. Mathematically speaking, the proper position of the toilet seat is a function of the peeing frequency over the sitting frequency. The closer that ratio approaches one, the truer the proposition. Besides, it's actually a courtesy that we lift the seat. Why would we care if we pee all over the seat? You're the ones that have to sit on it. You should appreciate the fact that we actually lift the darn thing. After all, we aim to please.

FAQ # 4: Why do men think with their groins?

I don't think most women fully appreciate the situation. While we've only got one brain, we've got more than a couple of million sperms! Even if we had good intentions, what chance does it actually have against a couple of million frisky sperms? I believe this is commonly referred to as the tyranny of the majority. It's simply an inescapable consequence of a voting democracy.

FAQ # 5: Why do men fear commitment?

Don't be so surprised. Yes; most of us do know what 'commitment' means and can spell it correctly. Dating is like shopping for an automobile. No matter how good you think this year's model is, they're always coming out with newer, faster, better, sleeker, and sexier models. We simply cannot be expected to purchase the first one we see. We must browse around a bit and test drive a few. Who wants to end up with a lemon? At least with a car, there's a slight chance of it eventually becoming a classic. It simply makes much more sense to lease and upgrade to the younger... err... I mean newer models every couple of years. Some of the newer models come with fun optional extras like dual air bags.

FAQ # 6: Why do men lie?

We actually prefer not to, but women make us lie. And I quote, "Honey, does this dress make my behind look huge?" or "Do you really think that other woman is more attractive than me?" When we tell you the truth like we don't want a relationship or that we prefer going out drinking with our buddies, you get mad at us. So we tell you what we think you want to hear. All we're simply trying to do is to please you.

FAQ # 7: Why are men such dogs?

I resent that. Dogs are faithful... loyal... affectionate... and obedient... We men are nothing like dogs.

FAQ # 8: Why is it so hard to find a funny, intelligent, nice, sensitive, and single man?

The answer is actually quite simple. It all boils down to the law of supply and demand. If women truly wanted men who are funny, intelligent, nice, and sensitive, there would be a much greater supply. However, since women are actually more attracted to material wealth, muscular mass, or men who mistreat them, this explains the abundant supply of men who are workaholics, muscle heads, or total jerks.

So there. Now we women understand why. I rest my case. Happy Father's Day to all Dads! J