Accents
By Julia Carreon-Lagoc

Of impeachment and bloopers

As I write this, a congressman, one Eulogio Magsaysay was being interviewed on TV for having backed out from the Impeach GMA list. And you grind your teeth in frustration because, just when the majority of our countrymen (7 to 1) are praying for the magic number of 79 representatives required to send the impeachment complaint to the senate, someone has turned around.

I can turn around, too. Will myself transported to the “lightness of being” from the vexation of the spirit. Exit disappointment and frustration, enter only hearty chuckles. In fact, until waylaid by the TV update, a serving of laughter was on my mind. Still the best medicine, says the Reader's Digest. So please forget the floods and potholes and brownouts and the soaring prices of commodities, and our so-called representatives of the people. Be regaled for the time being.

My folks abroad sent in these actual church bulletin bloopers that would delight Archbishops Fernando Capalla and Angel Lagdameo, outgoing and incoming president of the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines, respectively, as well as magistrates of other sects. Humor knows no boundary, least of all religion. Look for the typographical errors, the double entendre , the wrong choice of words, the misleading antecedents, and other unintended errors in grammar. See if these could make you laugh or break into a smile:

1) The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

2) Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

3) Thursday Night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

4) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

5) This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

6) Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

7) Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

8) Thursday at 5 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.

9) This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mr. Vassilas to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

10) Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.

11) The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

12) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

13) Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

14) The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

15) Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

16) Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

17) Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

18) The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

19) Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing for the girth of their first child.

20) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

21) The "eighth graders" will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

22) The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

23) Today...Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 8 p.m. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.

24) The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy." (Gosh, they must be too happy to get rid of the preacher to be breaking forth with joy.)

25) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. (Why are they sick of the church and the community? Have the church and the community become insufferable?)

Now, go back to No.1 and make the correction from sin to son . Straighten out the rest. Test yourself, or make your own personal comments like what I did in Nos. 24 and 25.

Have the bloopers somehow cast away the gloom of politics? We should be grateful for little bits of laughter while we wait for the impeachment process to materialize. Let congress redeem itself. Let the so-called representatives of the people redeem themselves. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo must either step down or subject herself to the impeachment process. The truism has been so since time immemorial and will be so forever to infinity: “The truth shall make us free!” (Comments to lagoc@hargray.com)