Unusual Channel
By Ma. Renette B. Uy

Classic act

Some of you may have come across this classic definitions and cool meanings. Nevertheless, I would like to share this with you. It came from a friend who have nothing better to do but send me all this jokes through email…just kidding! I really appreciate it. It makes me laugh and it makes my day! Usually, before one gets to crack a joke, one would say, “hear this ‘cause this is really a classic joke” Oh well, here's a lot of them, thanks to my friend who never tires of sending me this kind of messages!

Classic Definitions & Cool Meanings:

Cigarette. It's a pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other. “ That hurts! I don't smoke like a chimney nowadays but I still do so big deal!”

Love Affairs. It's something like a ticket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test. “I never really thought about it that way but who cares?!”

Marriage. It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters. “Hahahaha need I say more?”

Divorce. It is the Future tense of marriage. “Not in the Philippines though, maybe soon?”

Lecture. It is an art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either". “Geez, that is why pala I thought it was poor memory!”

Conference. It is the confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. “I never really liked meetings ‘cause I am not able to accomplish anything!”

Compromise. It is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. “That is a nice way of saying it, hmmmm.”

Tears. It is the hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power. “Indeed it never fails to break a man's heart every time a babe cries in front of them, huh works every time!”

Dictionary . It is a place where divorce comes first before marriage. “D comes before M, right!”

Conference Room. It is a place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on. “Like I said, I don't like meetings, anywhere at any given time. Oh well that is if I can help it”

Ecstasy. It is a feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before. “You mean the drug, este…don't get me wrong but isn't it suppose to make you feel something?”

Classic. It is a book which people praise, but do not read. “Yah, yah, yah what book?”

Smile. It is a curve that can set a lot of things straight. “And you better believe it!”

Office. It is a place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. “Those were the days but home sweet home for me now.”

Yawn. It is the only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. “Especially, in a room where there are about a hundred women all speaking at the same time!”

Etc. It is a sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. “You bet yah!”

Committee. It is an individual who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together. “That sounds like the government, huh?!”

Experience. It is the name men give to their mistakes. “Wait till they talk about women!”

Atom Bomb. It is an invention to end all inventions. “Okay, I thought so!”

Philosopher. It is a fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead. “I guess that's why we still speak of Confucius and he is not even our own!”

Diplomat. It is a person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. “No wonder!”

Opportunist. It is a person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river. “Walang masama sa nag-aarimuhan.”

Optimist. It is a person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway, See I am not injured yet. “Or who says, kaya mo to?”

Pessimist. It is a person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY. “Grasshopper, how do you see the glass?”

Miser. It is a person who lives poor so that he can die rich. “Another name for Mr. Scrooge”

Father. It is a banker provided by nature. “Nature has taken its toll, hooray for women banker, oooops!”

Criminal. It is a guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught. “Too many politicians, so little money left.”

Boss. It is someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. “Morning na, sir!”

Politician. It is the one who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after. “Told you so!”

Doctor. It is a person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills. “What is it this time, a new car? New mobile phone? Oh no, a new house!”

When all is said and done, more is said than done.