Serendipity
By Joanne Marie Combong-Pijuan

My Man Meme

When I was in college I used to hang out with the “Basement Boys”. They were a bunch of male dormers in Kalayaan (an incongruous name for a freshmen campus dormitory where the residents were all freedom-deprived) who, along with their many “engaging” qualities, also had the sheer luck of staying in the basement while the rest of us had to lose at least 2 lbs. everyday from schlepping up and down the stairs.

I hung out with them boys because of the free weekend beer at Krus na Ligas (another incongruous name for a dingy beer joint); for the free psychiatric evaluation of the inebriated male species (oh how men talk when they are under the influence…); and for the free male ogling (I had the hots for this hunk of a guy who later on became my boyfriend much to the dismay of half of the dorm female population. My unsolicited advice: Drink beer, win a boyfriend). And so, after a school-year of hanging out with the boys, I was not only able to increase my alcohol tolerance, but it also earned me the contemptuously spurned title: “ Syota ng Basement” .

My otherwise emulatory status of being the sole and unrivalled female honorary member of the Basement Boys had made me not only quite an expert on guys, well, college guys at least (apparently, later on in life my expertise dwindled out – especially when I married my husband – just kidding) but also made me privy to “boy-talk”. One of our favorite weekend drinking topics in between ribald jokes, basketball, and life philosophies, was talking about our list of partner attributes or the qualities we wanted in our prospective significant others. The guys, of course, had that ubiquitous, Pinoy tongue in cheek list of the 5 M's: Masunurin (obedient), Maganda (beautiful), Malambing (sweet or affectionate), Malapit ang bahay (lives nearby), and May Telepono (has a telephone).

Of course, not to be outdone, I too, had my own, which I would like to share with y'all. My list is obviously moot and academic considering that I'm happily married now, but I just realized that whatever attributes I wanted back then still hold true until now:

1. Good Morning, Good Looking . Wouldn't it be nice to wake up to a dream rather than to a nightmare? I'm not saying that your husbands or boyfriends should be exact replicas of Brad and Ben, but for me, it's really important to go to bed with a smile on my face and wake up still smiling. Who wants to be jolted out of a deep slumber by a guy who looks (and smells) worse than his morning breath? I like a man who's at least presentable; who looks neat, dresses appropriately, and wears clean clothes. This doesn't mean that he should be a clotheshorse like me, or be into the latest fashion (if he is I'd be in doubt as to his gender preference), but that he should present himself in a way that speaks of his character and status. In short, I just want him to look like he knows how to take care of himself.
2. The Brain and Common Denominator Factor . Honestly, I find nerdy men attractive. When I say nerdy, I'm not talking about an Einstein clone here, but someone who's smart; if not smarter than me, at least as smart as me. I don't know about other writer-type people, but what do you think will happen if my partner won't be able to comment on my writing, like say, this column? What if I have to explain to him what the word “serendipity” means? Does this mean I also have to explain to him the definition of “divorce”, “separation”, and “kaput”?

As for the common denominators: I expect my guy to be also interested in books (not as a weight lifting device but for reading); shares my fondness for food and movies (I'm sorry but no Tagalog flicks for me please, yes, I'm a snob that way, so sue me); and can speak good English. We should also at least come from the same social background. So, no “langit siya, lupa ako” melodrama for me, because almost always, that kind of scenario never works (unless you're Sharon Cuneta in the movies and you can sing your way up the social ladder).

1. Conversations over Coffee (or any beverage of your choice) . This is an annex to the above requirement. Automatically, if he has the brains, he should also be conversationally adept. I'm not talking about someone who can blabber like he has not only kissed the Blarney Stone but swallowed it; but just someone I can talk to about anything and everything -- preferably over a nice cup of coffee (or a glass of wine, vodka, or even milk). His ideas should be as liberal as mine, as quirky, and if possible, as witty. Of course, it goes without saying that he should also have that requisite weirdness which I like (because normal is boring), as well as substance and depth too.
2. The Bed, Bath, and Beyond . If we're compatible in bed, then we can probably share a bathroom too (I'm particular about how a toothpaste tube will look like after a guy uses it), as well as everything else for that matter. You actually don't have to sleep with a guy to know if you're sexually compatible or not; you just have to observe how he deals with you and with other people. Say, if he's an ego maniac, power-tripping chauvinist in the boardroom, then I presume he's also a selfish prick in the bedroom. And no, a man's shoe size does not always determine the size of his… you-know-what.
3. Innate Goodness . Bad men are so passé. There's nothing better and yes, sexier, than a good man. They are so hard to come by these days, so if you have one, don't ever, ever let go. If your man is a good one, then he'll treat you with respect, love, and tenderness. And that, my friend, will always earn extra points with me.

And so, to all the single women out there (even to the married ones); I'm passing my man meme on to you for reference. As far as my list goes, I think my husband scores a five out of five. But I'll make it a six if he rewards me with a good massage tonight.