Accents
By Julia Carreon-Lagoc

Why the chicken crossed the road

Why did the chicken cross the road? The question has been a kind of game with  Danika, my four-year old granddaughter.  When asked the question, she would answer as she had readily answered before: To get to the other side.  Uttered with all the innocence of a child.  Nothing problematic.  No second thoughts about it.  Neither rhyme nor reason for having crossed the road.
 
Her Mom and Dad, Lolo and Lola will then give their own reasons why the chicken crossed the road, going into some such reason that across the grass is greener such as the attraction of the rice grains widely spread on the other side of the road.  What could be more down-to-earth than that?

 My cousin Dr. Mimi Gedang, a cyber habitué, has sent me a list of history’s famous figures and their respective reason why the chicken crossed the road.  If some of the personalities leave you puzzled as to their reason for the chicken’s crossing the road, consult the encyclopedia.  Knowing their niche in history, science, and literature, you can even give them further leeway to reason out why the chicken crossed the road.  I’ve picked some choice items from Mimi’s list.  Read on, think, and play the game:

Plato:  For the greater good.

Aristotle:  It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Hippocrates:  Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

Darwin:  It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Henry David Thoreau:  To live deliberately…and suck all the marrow out of life.

Freud:  The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Einstein:  Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Two famous Bills of our time made it to the list.  From Bill Clinton who is involved in the greatest sex brouhaha in the U.S. of A.:  I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
 
Bill Gates’ response sounds like an advertisement:  I have just released eChicken 2005, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.  And Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

From the world of literature, there is a line from poet Emily Dickinson:  Because it could not stop for death.  And the terse prose of Ernest Hemingway is parodied: To die. In the rain.
 
Mimi concludes with Grandpa’s plain common sense:  In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Let me add with a bit of paraphrasing from some of literature's famous lines:
Shakespeare: To cross or not to cross the road—that is the question.

John Donne: It has to join the rest of the flock. No chicken is an island entire of itself.
Alfred Lord Tennyson:  Methinks the chicken has imbibed Ulysses’ motto “to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”

Robert Browning:  For a chicken’s reach must exceed its grasp, or what’s a heaven for?
What about putting mouthfuls to these colorful personae in the national scene?  The President makes for an intriguing start.

GMA:  The chicken is tired of chasing bullies in the schoolyard.

Frank Chavez:  The chicken is tired of being chased by the bullies in the schoolyard.

Garcillano:  The chicken lost its passport.  The only option left is to flee.

Rep. Edmund Reyes:  To join those who signed up para sa katotohanan.

Rep. Francis Escudero:  To impeach or not to impeach?  No indecision about it.

Rep. Alan Peter Cayetano:  Everybody close ranks.  The incredible Impeachable is coming!

Rep.Teddy Casino:  To join the rally across the road.  Bayan muna!!!

Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago:  To listen to the correct pronunciation of Venable, long a as in cake.

Norberto Gonzales:  To face the music despite the soaring blood pressure.

Senator Aquilino Pimental:  The chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law.

Senator Joker Arroyo:  The Senate intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided it co-operates fully with our investigation.  Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any congressional follow-up investigations have been completed.

Sec. Raul Gonzalez: The chicken knows CPR is not some medical jargon but an acronym for calibrated pre-emptive response.

Bursts of sunshine drive away the gloom:

Manny Pacquiao:  To witness the knock-out punch!

Precious Lara Quigaman:  To hail the newest Miss International!

Finally, my own take:  Crossing the road was but one of the accents in the broad spectrum of the chicken’s life.

Why did the chicken cross the road?  Send in your own version.  Choose from the personages of history, science, literature, and current events.  Politicians are fair game.    Concoct comments that would characterize or reveal the person within.  Share your choice items.  (Comments to lagoc@hargray.com)