Accents
By Julia Carreon-Lagoc

Irritants, Incorporated

Christmas songs are early in the malls telling us not to frown, pout, or cry but with irritants sprouting all around, it’s hard to be complacent. You’re pushed out of your comfort zones, peace of mind stolen, blood pressure rising with the rise in the price of commodities—what do you do?  Debunk the metaphor of Santa Claus’ coming to town.

Tama na! Sobra na! Step down na!  The mantra in the parliament of the streets meets only calloused silence from the questionable occupant of Malacanang.  The jueteng scandal, the Garci tapes, the Venable contract, etc., etc., etc. ad nauseam—all without closure, left unraveled to hang heavily in Juan de la Cruz’s mind.  Something’s gotta give.

The rich get richer; the poor get poorer.  The second part of the cliché applies to every Juan, Pedro, and Pablo sa larangan, and the huge masses of our people to whom day to day is a struggle for survival.  As it has been as it is now, exempted from the economic hardships are the exploiters of labor, businesspersons who are very, very stingy with their profits unmindful of the fact that the workers are their partners in progress.  Count among them the politicians to whom “kurakot,” cutbacks, commissions, kickbacks are lovely terms.  You get pissed off and think evil of the entire pack, God forgive.

In the forefront of the pack is the Supreme Malacanang Irritant.  Leave her awhile in her uneasy chair, and contend we must with the “natural shocks,” that our so-called civilized society is unwilling heir to.  My driver Rudy (the hubby no less) has na-iipon na irritants about driving in the streets of the motherland.  Road courtesy, he says, is not found in the Philippine dictionary.  Sad.  Do I hear the same complaint from you?  Is violating traffic rules a general characteristic of the Pinoy driver?  Of course not!  The general characteristic is that the Pinoy is law-abiding.  Abiding, however, only if he wants to, in the streets where you and I live.

Rudy suggests drivers who cut lanes be told to pull over and let those they’ve cut to go ahead first? Some drivers, especially those of passenger jeeps, crisscross the street short of ramming their jeep against other vehicles. Show a little courtesy please.
Why is the traffic clogged below the bridge connecting the two Marymarts at Valeria? Because the passenger vehicles passing this route have appropriated this as their loading area. There, I’ve answered my own question. Will the concerned office please designate clearly the loading and unloading areas for these vehicles?

What do you mean by “parada militar”? “There goes the parada militar,” the hubby used to say when a passenger jeep loads or unloads a passenger in the middle of the street or without stopping his vehicle outside the flow of traffic. The expression is a disparaging allusion to things military. Apologies are in order here because, truly, there are men in uniform who abide by the rules.

Talking about the traffic, let me retrieve the standing joke about the Pinoy driver who took a driving exam in the U.S.?  His answer to the third question speaks badly of Pinoy driving habits. Here goes:

1) Question: What does the green light mean?
     Answer: Go.

2) Question: And the red light?
    Answer: Stop
 
3) Question: And the yellow light?
    Answer: Paspas!!!  

Those who want to beat the yellow light shouldn’t be allowed to zoom rocket-like, but should be served a TVR, okay?

Then there’s this big hunk of a young man getting out of his car after parking it in the place for the disabled.  Rudy, nearing 70 and walking with a cane, just shakes his head when usurped of his rightful spot.  Will the mall management and its security guards please do something about this?  To the concerned office in the city, please see to the enforcement of the rule, if any, on parking for the disabled.

To those who are using the King’s English in their announcements, be careful with your spelling and grammar lest we confuse our students and/or the general public.  Sample these:  PLEASE USE OTHER DOOR.  OBSERVED SILENCE.  SLIGHTLY USE APPLIANCES IN SUPER LOW LOW PRICES.  There, I have underlined the errors.

Recently, two big streamers in one of the elementary schools in the city announced that WE WILL GOING TO HAVE A REUNION… Why didn’t any of the teachers in that school correct the streamers long before reunion day?  This one on TV was corrected immediately.  COPING WITH GRIFT was corrected while the program was ongoing.  The panelists were discussing several ways to cope with GRIEF.

Go back with me now to the SUPREME MALACANANG IRRITANT (no typographical error there).  The Filipino people demand closure to the Garci tapes, the jueteng scandal, and the Venable contract.  (Comments to lagoc@hargray.com)

catchphrase:
As it has been as it is now, exempted from the economic hardships are the exploiters of labor, businesspersons who are very, very stingy with their profits unmindful of the fact that the workers are their partners in progress.  Count among them the politicians to whom “kurakot,” cutbacks, commissions, kickbacks are lovely terms.