Accents
Rumors and other trivia
In this highly charged political times, a rumor would excite people to ask if Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is still in Malacañang. Is it finally sic transit Gloria mundi? (Capital G intended) Has the plenary of the so-called representatives of the people revived the clamor for impeachment? There are rumors and rumors to delight or dismay both the anti- and pro-GMA camps. Get set now for my kind of rumors.
Well, I stand by my own “Rumors.” To ward off the migraine, I’m taking humor-coated tablets, hence a serving of “Rumors” and the like. This is a tribute to the very imaginative establishment owners and how they can concoct fancy names for their stores, the end in view being to entice customers to come in and buy.
Take RUMORS in South Carolina. It sells ordinary clothing apparel, the name of the establishment being just a come-on. If you are Juana, you might want to name your very own store Juana’s or Jane’s. Me? I will go one degree juicier of a rumor by choosing the name RUMORMONGERS. All rumormongers—minors and adults, able or disabled, regardless of race, creed, color, gender, and nationality—are welcome. The one and only exception are warmongers. They are absolutely not allowed inside because this owner is an avowed peacenik. Also banned from entering is the “Great Impeachable,” and you know who she is if you have been reading me several issues ago.
It seems this is getting close to scurrilous name-calling. Get back your cool, my sister Lolita likes to admonish. So, game na to a jaunty sight-seeing trip to “estetsayd” kiosks—in South Carolina where my daughter Randy Raissa’s family reside, and in neighboring Georgia. I jotted down the names of these establishments with the sole motive to amuse, not to provide free advertisements. Take INTERIOR MOTIVES, the place for the houseperson/houseperdaughter or housewife/househusband who needs interior decors for her/his house. I would readily prefer the name ULTERIOR MOTIVES to let the world know that I sell more than just house decors. Customers with or without ulterior motives are welcome.
TANTRUM sells a variety of children’s clothing. Parents, do bring your child along to pick the garment of his/her own choice lest the small tyke throws a tantrum if you would insist on your own. Could you think of any other name instead of just capitalizing on the name TANTRUM? What about CHAOS? Or ANARCHY? Both are no-no’s to me. I think BEDLAM and PANDEMONIUM would be more picturesque. Or, if the name is not copyrighted, adopt GOIN’ BANANAS, the place for kids’ fun activities in the mall.
What could be more fitting for an establishment that sells doors of various makes and designs than to name it ENTRY POINT? Methinks HEAVEN’S GATE would sound heavenly, and I would certainly use that as name of my store, but with a restriction: FOR THE PURE OF HEART ONLY. I wonder how little would qualify. ENTRANCE/EXIT is prosaic although that would very well do. DOORWAYS tells it as they really are—yes, still doors by any other name. We didn’t make a selection from the ENTRY POINT when we were in the U.S. of A. The doors in my daughter’s house suffice as they are.
There is a store called IDYLLIC ENDEAVORS that I skipped from entering. The display did not appear idyllic to me. NOBLE ENDEAVORS would arouse my curiosity if only to find out if the owner is a teacher of which I was once. Talk of the noblest profession, you know.
Pillows and mattresses you’ll find in SWEET SLUMBER, a name nicely alliterative, but I would go for SWEET DREAMS like you’re bidding the kids off for the night. There is SACRED SPACES (that sells religious icons, you got it!) and the provocative ENDANGERED ARTS for decors. PICTURE THIS is into the framing business. What if a store is named FIGURE THIS? What do you think will it sell? Go figure.
Hilton Head Island, South Carolina’s island resort, has restaurants with quirky, fanciful names: EDIBLE PURSUITS, RED FISH, STICKY FINGERS, SQUAT AND GOBBLE, CATCH 22, PHANTOM CAFE, IRON WOLF, FROSTY FROG, etc., etc. WILD WING CAFE, which we tried twice, offers fried chicken wings with your choice of hot, mild or sweetish taste. The family’s favorite is nearby eat-all-you-can GOLDEN CORRAL, a food chain in the East Coast.
I wonder what names the pump boats have—those plying the Iloilo City-Guimaras route. Some of the speedboats docked at Hilton Head Island are STRAY CAT (no name appeal to me), HOOK, LINE AND SINKER (go fish, I would say), and VAGABOND (reflects an adventurous owner).
The hotels over there assume the same names as they are in other States and as they are in Manila. Chain kasi, or simply capitalizing on old reputation. Or, the reason being lack of imagination. Names? I say, seek help. Mine the Pinoy’s rich imagination.
(Comments to lagoc@hargray.com)