Unusual Channel
The cream of the crop
Nice title, huh? Don't be deceived by it because like what we all say, "What's in a name?" This time, "What's in a title?"
I have never been in court, never "had a day in court" (that's how they say it for having a chance to be there), never witness a court proceedings, never been a witness, no actual experience in court, period! If not for my favorite series on TV with court scenes and all, my knowledge of court proceedings is zero. However, for those who experienced it already, they say nothing beats being there and actually hear the lawyers for both parties debate, argue, give each other dagger looks, insult each other, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. I am a regular couch potato for the TV series, LAW and ORDER. The court scenes seem real and I have always wondered if it is really that way in court. How the prosecution nail the defendant to admit the crime or even come close to it. Interesting and I am amazed by the exchange of words. Though I wouldn't want to be in any witness' position, watching it is quite amusing to some extent. My exposure is not that great after all but I certainly hope that justice is being done to both parties involved.
I received this mail from a friend (thanks George!) and when I read it, I couldn't stop laughing, then wonder and then be scared! Oh yes, I can't help but be scared because can you just imagine if what I read is really happening in the court, in our courts (Most likely daw, har har har har?) Jeez, we are in deep trouble! However, below are reported real and it is from a book called "Disorder in the Courts of America", and these are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place and as you read this, remember these are the people that are most likely to be in Government and someday represent us and run this country because if it happened in America, it could happen to us. No offense to our lawyers here, just for laughs and perhaps a wake up call and let it be a reminder that as we are not perfect and human as we are, we make mistakes however, we must remember a life is always at stake for every mistake made. By the way, these lawyers in the book are the supposedly, "The Cream of the CROP". So, read and weep!
***
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
***
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
***
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
***
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
***
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
***
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
***
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
***
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
***
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one
***
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
***
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
***
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTOR! NEY: Were there any girls?
***
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
***
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
***
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
***
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
***
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
***
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
***
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
***
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law!
"To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, you're overdoing it."
(For comments please email to rbuy1028@gmail.com)