Rational Insanity
Growing old: Blessing or curse?
The other day, I sat as a judge in one of the CAPRISAA contests here.I happened to sit beside a fellow teacher of my grandmother who retired from teaching about fifteen years ago.My grandmother is already in her mid-nineties, and so the teacher beside me asked me how she was, and of course, I told the teacher that she was doing fine and she was still strong and active, which is the truth.The teacher then responded by saying that perhaps my grandmother's long life is because of her prayerfulness; that she was blessed to have an extraordinarily long life.
In another incident, I went to the wake of the night security guard of our city museum last Friday and while I was talking to the late guard's sister, she told me that William, the guard, was only 56 years old when he died.He left four young lasses behind to a wife who is mentally incapable of seeing to the needs of those he left behind.
Anyway, the common thread between these two incidents is my contention that growing old and dying old can be both a blessing and a curse, not only for those we leave behind but also for ourselves.On the other hand, dying young can also be taken in the same light.The teacher who said that my grandmothers longevity is a blessing may simply be speaking for herself because in as far as we are home are concerned, it is sometimes pitiful to see our grandmother looking at food that she wants to that used to be edible to her that are no longer edible to her now.This alone is a manifestation of how growing old can be agonizing for the ageing.They also have to contend with uncontrollable bowels, dribbling of urine without their knowing it, eternally painful joints, extra fragile skin, failing eyesight, and worst of all -- a hag-like or leprechaun-like complexion and countenance!With regard to the people surrounding old people, aside from the guilt of having to eat delicious food that is inedible to the ageing right in front of them, there is also the matter of dealing with a person with dementia, or the mental degeneration caused by age.Then there are things to consider such as the very volatile emotional state of the elderly, their loss of self-esteem and the accompanying feeling of uselessness, and the loneliness they have to deal with when they realize that all their friends have already gone ahead of them!These are the things that run through my mind when I often think of what I could become when I grow old.Contrastingly, I also consider being able to grow old graciously, like my grandaunt who is already in her late eighties.She is conscious of her state and she always makes sure that she is not a burden to the young ones around her; she has never dyed her hair or gone to a make-up artist who would make you look like you would in your coffin, or attempted to wear clothes that are way beyond her age.As a result, she still maintains her queenly flair, her jolly disposition, and her ability to be liked and loved by people she encounters, people of all ages.These are my dilemmas and the worst part of it is one can never really choose which way to go.
I want to be a blessing to the people around me when I grow old, but what if my rabid obsession of becoming as gracious as I possibly can when I grow old becomes a demented passion and I end up being an overly positive old lank? I don't want to be a curse to the people around me or to myself but it seems this is not a choice we make on our own.Dying young without having to leave behind headaches for the living is as good as growing old graciously, and so these are my two alternatives.Of course, I won't induce death with poison or a noose hanging from the ceiling of my room, because I believe suicide is coward's tool.I won't go for eternal youth with plastic surgery either considering that no matter how good one looks, the mind cannot be made to respond to botox or aptos thread.Besides, what good is a perfect, young body, when the mind could not even recall what names to put on other faces?
Perhaps Marcel is right when he once said that 'groove is in the heart'.Youth is not a matter of being taut, fit, and smooth forever -- those who grow old graciously, are still young -- at heart, and those who fear growing old have already grown old even before the first signs of age have appeared on their faces.
There's nothing to it really -- to growing old.If someone asked me how old I am, I would simply smile and say, 'for as long as the heart keeps beating, I would not have to mind my age, after all, groove is in the heart...'
Be rational; be insane... every once in a while!!TTFN!
Condolences to the family of Nong William Arandez, our museum night guard.You have been most valuable to us.
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