Rational Insanity
Ten things I hate about 007 movies
Before anything else, I would like to apologize for the crazy amount of typographical errors in last week's column.I was composing my piece on my PDA while in transit last week and had to send it immediately to beat the deadline.This accounts for the recklessness that went into it.Nevertheless, I do hope you guys still enjoyed it.
Anyway, I'm not really jumping into the bandwagon with this week's topic considering the issue about casting someone who is not fit for the coveted James Bond role in the new Casino Royale' because I have not seen the movie yet, and for good enough reason.I am basing this week's topic on past James Bond movies that I have already seen.I would like to apologize to Ian Fleming fans in advance in case I overstep literary boundaries with observations made from the movies (because I have not read a single Ian Fleming book yet -- I know he created the character and I have absolutely no idea if the James Bond of the movies is the same as the James bond of literature [or should I say, pop fiction?]). Well, as I said, I did not go to see this latest movie for good reason, and here are ten more.
1. James Bond movies are overly hedonistic.The plots revolve around themes of extremely lucrative lifestyles given in to pleasure -- need I enumerate what pleasures are portrayed in these films?A new luxury car that always ends up in ruin?Since when was it all right for a government spy to use people's money to get new wheels just so he could drive this off a cliff?Since Fleming created Bond, perhaps.
2. I have never once watched a James Bond film with a decent theme song.When I say decent theme song' I mean something you can listen to on your player when doing something like working out, traveling, or whatever else you might be doing.ALL of the songs in ALL James Bond films have that a weird, annoying twang and rhythm.Aside from this, they all sound the same!Imagine listening to Goldfinger' while in a car, during a two-hour roadtrip!My Goodness!I'd readily choose The Little Mermaid' over James Bond when it comes to themes.
3. All James Bond films advocate promiscuity.I'm sure all of you have noticed that James Bond has a new screw with a new #hore for each new James Bond movie.In some, he even manages to screw twice with different partners.To add insult to injury, he is always caught on a spy cam having a celebratory screw just before the closing credits roll out.Oh, and by the way -- I don't recall a single James Bond film where he actually advocated safe sex or put on a condom just before doing it'.Plus, all Bond films I've seen always trivialize or bastardize man's greatest emotion -- love.
4. In all James Bond films, all other British agents who work with Bond are referred to with names or numbers, James Bond has a name, a family name, and a number all to himself!Isn't it strange?I thought all spies should have concealed identities.To add to this, he always has to introduce himself as Bond, James Bond.'Irritating!I do hope the name becomes an issue in Casino Royale'.
5. All James Bond films fuel the technology craze of all those who watch them.What with the unbelievably advanced gadgetry and outrageously high-tech equipment?Everybody wants to be a James Bond, if not through plastic surgery to achieve his alarmingly disarming looks, through their cellular phones, MP3 players, and whatever.
6. Most Bond villains are really handsome in the brute context.Are bond films training young Maximos' to love the villain instead of the hero?In some Bond films, the villain is even more handsome than Bond himself!
7. There is usually a seemingly helpless young lady in Bond films who later turns out to be a villain hag'.
8. The romantic scenes' in the films (if they deserve to be called that) always happen to get in the way of the most breathtaking and cinematic shots in the films.Not that there are many, but for the few shots that are there, the romantic scenes always manage to spoil them.
9. The James Bond instrumental theme always fades in when something exciting is happening -- before, it was all right -- now I find it very, very, very disturbing.It seems to me that the musical scorer has a brain the size of a pea to be unable to at least arrange the theme in a different manner so that it does not sound redundant.
10. I cannot recall a James Bond film where the leading lady pronounced James' properly.It's always Jhems' or Dzeyms' or Gems'.Oh, all right, just because the leading ladies always manage to be of a weird nationality does not excuse them from pronouncing such an unimaginative name incorrectly!Whatever is the correct pronunciation of that name, anyway?
Oh well, yes, I have ten things to say against Bond films, but the reality is I still keep on watching them anyway, and for whatever reason, I don't know why.I will watch Casino Royale' when I do get a pirated copy of it, don't get me wrong.Hmmmm, at least most James Bond films have a sterling saving grace, and to think that this saving grace only comes out for a few seconds in the films -- Judi Dench -- Agent M!If she is the only reason I watch Bond films, then so be it.Oh! I adore Judi Dench.Who wouldn't?She is such a perfect epitome of British decorum and la femme fatale'.She might as well replace Queen Elizabeth in real life for all I care; anyway she won an Oscar for playing just that role in Shakespeare in Love'.A Best Supporting Actress Oscar for a fifteen second screen exposure!Imagine that!I've heard she has more screen time in Casino Royale' which all the more gives me more reason to watch the film.I would lead the uproar if someone else other than Judi was cast in M's role, I don't give a hoot who they cast for Bond (although Sean Connery did a pretty good job with the role).Judi is another topic though, maybe, I'll talk about her next week!
Be rational; be insane... every once in a while!TTFN!
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