Rational Insanity
10 more things for the loveless heart
Last week, I quite enjoyed Marcel's contribution to my column and I am quite sure many of you did as well. Good enough, that enjoyment turned into something productive prompting me to write ten more things the loveless could enjoy on the day of hearts. In theory, no one is really loveless because there are so many people, places and things to love, but just for the fun of it, let us all focus on the romantic kind of love that is the reason for most of our frustrations. Not without further delay, here are ten more activities for you guys (and gals) to consider:
1. Try to convince everybody that there is no such thing as a St. Valentine. Valentine's day is a day honoring a fictional saint. St. Valentine, like St. Nicholas, is a figment of the imagination of the Catholic clergy - even they admitted that already, so get it into yours and other people's systems.
2. Go out with a mission to give lovers a night they will definitely remember. Walk around in dark parking lots with a lighted cigarette in your hand and when you think some couples are doing their thing somewhere in the dark, stand where they could see you, but act like you did not notice anything. Finish one stick then light another one before you move on to more couples.
3. Go and buy packs of condoms, stay in a cafe where there are lots of couples whispering sweet nothings to each other then begin to blow up the condoms into balloons. Let your frustration fly around with the balloons as you release them every time you have fully blown each one. Make sure you have different flavors. Trust me, you would be doing our population a favor - pun intended.
4. Go to a videoke joint and sing your heart out - I mean sing ONLY break-up songs, like 'Somewhere Down the Road' and 'Sana Maulit Muli'. I do hope they get the message, after all statistics show that 60 percent of couples who are together on Valentine's day break up at least a month after, but always within the year.
5. Dress your best and bring a really cute dog with you - if you don't have one, borrow one. Then sit the dog on the chair beside you in a fancy restaurant and order dinner. Spend most of your time blurting out commands to the dog to stay put and stay on the chair. Don't pass the opportunity to chase the dog around the restaurant should it attempt to run away from you. When you finally catch it, have a leash ready - the kind with big heart ornaments strung along its length.
6. Mail yourself twenty valentines cards; mail them all to your office - better yet, have the local florist deliver a bouquet of roses to you at work and watch how the others turn green with envy.
7. Go to a Japanese restaurant and order sushi. Spend most of your time arranging the sushi on the plate into smileys, small hearts, and stuff like that, and move your lips as if you are talking to someone. I bet people would be really scared of your faked psychosis and get their romantic dinners over and done with the soonest.
8. Check in to a motel (make sure you stay over night) turn on the news and set it on the highest volume. Make as much noise as you can - the purpose is obvious, ain't it?
9. Just move around a restaurant in a photographer's outfit, then interrupt those who are obnoxiously sweet with 'Hey, I am a photographer for a glossy magazine, can I take your candid picture please?' Keep on instructing them not to pose when they do and explain the lengthy mechanics of candid photography. You would be amazed to know how many people don't know the meaning of candid. Repeat the process with other couples as you please.
10. Drive around in your car, if you have one, then make sure to park your car beside a lone car in a dark corner - make sure the other car is occupied. Then open your windows, play your stereo out loud, open a bottle of beer or soda, then drink up, lying down on the hood of your car. Have a lame, pathetic alibi, such as 'I wanna commit suicide!" ready in case a disgruntled boy friend walks out of the other car and tries to pacify you.
Well there you are folks! Have a happy Valentine's day!
Be rational; be insane, every once in a while!!!TTFN!
Hi to my dear readers! I love you all! Byers! Mwah!!!!