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Chivalry: Women vs men
Perhaps one of the most important influences that the Middle Ages have passed on to us is chivalry. Wikipedia defines chivalry as a moral, religious and social code of knightly conduct like courage, honor and service.
Such values were needed at a time that there was brutality, ignorance and prejudice. Even at present, we are plagued by such nuisance that the presence of people whose actions are trustworthy, admirable and who stand up to their principles, is needed.
One interesting aspect of chivalry is its application on relationships between men and women. Women define chivalry in this aspect as being treated by men like china by not verbally, physically and emotionally abusing them, by opening doors for them, offering their seat, footing the bill, and many others that says one thing, "I will suffer for you." In this aspect, some women now are asking "Is chivalry dead?"
Elaine Santos, 36, a computer analyst complained that there are some men who are obnoxious, especially those who hit their wives and those who cheat a lot. "Whatever happened to respect? I thought women are supposed to be loved, not hit?" she lamented.
Jessica Gonzales, 31, a businesswoman complains that she oftentimes foots the bill when she and her boyfriend, 21, a student, go out out. "I feel used than unloved!" she said.
Mila Arenas, 25, remembered being drenched in rain while standing at the back of the jeepney. An older man, seated at the edge, pretended to be busy reading a newspaper so as not to give up his seat. Although Mila did not mind being in her position, everybody in the jeep gave the man their dagger looks, probably with one thought in mind: "How ungentlemanly!" "But if you put chivalry aside and consider equality, a woman can actually stand at the back of the jeepney like any other man. A woman's light physical make-up and flexibility can actually make this easy," Mila said.
I once made a man felt insulted after he offered me his seat while I was standing inside a bus in Manila.
I refused politely (with a smile) and after that he said angrily, "Eh kung ayaw mo di wag! (If you don't want it, then don't!)." I refused the seat because he was there first and I felt I could still stand for another hour. I was in college then and being in a school where women number 2,000 against 40 men and where female teachers numbered 15 to 1, it was hard not to be a feminist.
"That's why chivalry is dead. It's because of women like you," said my friend Martin. There are some men who have stopped being chivalrous because they fear rejection. A refusal is an insult to them, Martin explained. "But this does not apply to all, though. There are some men who just don't have breeding at all. But I do," he said, laughing.
After this conversation, I got curious and asked some men about their take on chivalry being dead.
I asked Engr. Herman Lagon on why chivalry is dead. He said, "Culture changes, the same with its underlying customs and social precepts. With our push-button generation where everything, including values is reshaped like clay, chivalry is losing its currency. Maybe it's a sign that people must revisit its past and evaluate its lost grandeur."
I mentioned Elaine's observation on battered wives to Noel Lagro, a librarian. He said, "A woman should be wise enough to discover her partner's personality before she decides to tie the knot. This could save her from getting hitched with a non-chivalric lout. That way, she has nothing to complain about." For Jessica's comment, Noel pointed out that she was obviously educated from the old school. "She forgot that her boyfriend is one generation younger and is still in school, thus, he can't afford to bring her to places where she wants to go. C'mon, give us a break, why do we have to be the bad guys all the time? This is the time of equality, girl. We can love you yet still treat you like equals."
I asked a male (who wishes to remain anonymous) about his take on chivalry being dead. Now, this one's interesting. "There are many gentlemen nowadays, that is, gays. That's why chivalry is disappearing. If men would only act like they should be --- biological men."
How about you? What's your take on chivalry and equality? Send your comments to katvillalon@yahoo.com or 0928-5057-824. Violent reactions won't be taken violently.
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REACTIONS. My column on "Rubber Talk" elicited some reactions from friends and I ended up blushing everytime I get one. Well, it's embarrassing enough to talk about condoms, it's even worse when the world finds out you carry one. Anyway, a friend started to talk to me about condoms and the color he prefers. Then, while in a restaurant, a female friend wanted to see if indeed there's one in my 'kikay' kit. Then, a colleague gave me this French condom with a red ribbon of AIDS imprinted on it. Thank you for that addition to my collection hehehe.