Coffee Thursdays
Too much today
Why this is happening?
These are the moments that I am caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. The gullible mind is confronted to make a decision out of the choices present. I close my eyes hoping a certain twist of miracle will guide me to reach a solution which I will not regret. When the primary vision is captivated only with the black wisp of emptiness, I begin to think that the mad world exists when darkness is the only hope. Thoughts are in rage, and certain movements in a blind man's environment make a fulfillment in the absence of the sense of sight.
I opened my eyes and realize a new day. As if everything around me lives and appears to be humbled by my selfish words of seldom gratification. Of how the few minutes past seem to be forgotten and what this place offers a precious occasion. When most of the time we neglect little things, the worth is significant in the time of absence. Truly, we don't know what we have till it is gone. Time is always an enemy, it acts like a snail and a swift bird at flight in ironic situation that we want to hold or let it go.
I am sitting in the living room and observe the arrangement of wood, ceramics and plastics collide around the house. The angels and the elephants, the flowers and the vase, the coffee table and the linen that covers it. If they have minds to speak, perhaps I would ask how they agree to settle their differences and manage to make this lovely piece of place in their appearance, texture and feel. Sometimes, it is better than to just go on with the flow, to resist or challenge is questioned upon the integrity of the maker.
If I think therefore I exist and I am what I am, then will these thoughts be justified whenpracticed otherwise?
I want to hear the music, but the still night offers no consolation. Silence is uncomfortable when you least ask for it. The visit of the wind cannot be separated from the breeze, and when alone there is nothing worse than to feel that anything else subsist but your lonely magnification. I hum a tune, but repeatedly only a few lines of the song "Moon River" reverberated around the house and it echoes back to my hungry ears. Truly what we give comes back to us and we always get what we deserve.
If there is always one thing that we can't achieve, it lingers in our minds that it constantly consumes our energy and thoughts. What goes around always comes around. When the need arrives for another stimulated task, I manage to count the throw pillows in abstract hues on the lazy couch. I conclude that the ratio 3:1 is agreeable to almost anything. As they say, everything comes in threes.
I glance at the wall, where the impatient wall clock constantly ticks, it reminds me it is 3 a.m., when everything around me, the world is in deep slumber, and my madness cannotunderstand these apprehensions. I wonder if I shout at the top of my lungs what are the consequences of using my power to evoke noise from the world of silence at the holy hour. I wonder if I go back to my room and hide under the covers will relieve my animosity and bring me peace.
These are the moments when insanity draws a thin line on being insane. Time and space consists the universe and the realm of thoughts becomes the most powerful tool of human existence. The answers remain clear regardless logic cannot provide resolution.
At 3:15 in the morning, as I sit here and reflect my decisions for another day, I realize the very reason I am thinking this way and fail to confine my restlessness is my Columbian drip coffee at 9 this evening. My fifth cup of coffee today, the caffeine in my system is the culprit.