Singles & the City
The 'Ex' Files
The question, for most singles, is how much detail do you really want to know about your past relationships and how much detail do you think you are "entitled to know"?
As singles, it is too easy to get hung up on the past relationships --- what happened? why it happened? Whether we like it or not, past relationships are already part of our present single lives.
Oliver on "Moving Forward"
In a few silent moments of my adult life, I've been asking myself in the mirror --- am I ready to meet the "one," let alone marry her? I have no doubt she's out there somewhere. I know it's no longer shocking for single men like me. I am not the only man of "marriageable age" who's not chomping at the wedding-bliss bit.
My parents are happily married—28 years. Both sets of grandparents are married—one for 48 years! I have no doubt I'll follow in their connubial footsteps. Someone told me, why not in 2010 --- when I turn 30? And I said, can't we reschedule it sometime away in the future?
I, like so many of my single friends, would like to accomplish many more things before I settle down to a life of monotony—I mean, happiness—with the right one. I'm not done with the highs that come with being single.
I guess I'm one of the boycotters. I'm 27, single, never been married. In the past I had two long term relationships that seemed headed toward marriage. In the end, none worked out. The most serious one it seemed that all the effort to maintain the relationship was coming from her, a "college sweetheart," and it wasn't enough. I was expected to put more and more effort into making things work out for her. In the end, when I felt I'd gone as far as I could in the situation. And, it wasn't enough for her and she called it quits.
I was actually a bit relieved mixed in with all the other emotions because I knew that the question would come down to marriage or not soon enough, and while I felt like it was expected that we'd be married since we've been together for 6 years. I wasn't sure I wanted to go forward with her. Afterward I heard from our mutual friends that she basically ended the relationship because she could not see any indication that I wanted to marry her.
All that happened in my early 20's. I dated for a number of years before that, only seriously twice. About 4 years ago, I gradually just quit dating. Without really thinking about it I came to the decision that I would not get married in the next few years, so I wasn't interested in going through the hassle of dating.
The interesting part is that I share a flat with two other guys in similar situations. We all seem to have voluntarily removed ourselves not just from the population of marriageable men, but from the dating pool. One is a few years older than me, the other in his late 20's. Both of them were previously in a long relationship and don't seem eager to repeat the experience.
Jimdel on "those old feelings"
I have my fair share in this crazy, often exciting, thing called love. I actually started early. The experiences I've had are still very fresh in my mind, as if they happened just yesterday.
I had my first crush, who eventually became my first girlfriend of sorts, when I was in grade 1. She was Chinese-mestiza with long black hair and porcelain-white skin. We often played a "wedding game" together which was quite advanced for our age back then. We even had her Barbie doll as our baby.
I first wooed a girl when I was in grade 6. Sadly, I got basted. Imagine giving a love letter using an "air mail" envelope. Who wouldn't be rejected? But that experience didn't dampen my spirit at all. It was just the start of the ball game.
Though I can't claim on having a successful relationship up to now, I can somehow say that these past relationships (yes, you can call them failed if you want) taught me valuable lessons and made me a better person in the process.
There are two most memorable. First was when I was still in the University. We were together for more than 4 years, including the time being friends. We were together pretty much our whole college life. They say that behind every successful man is a great woman. Well, I achieved many great things in college and I attribute most of them to her. She was my no. 1 fan and supporter. She was an inspiration and generous source of strength. We painted many dreams together- from when we'd get married, to how many kids we want, even up to where we would like to retire. Sigh…those were the days when we thought we would end up together.
The second was during my MBA days. It started and ended very quickly but left an indelible mark here inside me. She taught me, the hard way that is, that you would only know how much you truly care on somebody when you don't have that person anymore. Ouch! If we could only turn back time.
So where are these two great ladies now? They are both happily married. Sometimes my mind entertains the "what if" questions…going back and thinking what could have been if decisions were made differently. I'm sincerely happy for them and also equally cool with where I am now. I just hope that I touched their lives, in whatever good manner, the way they touched mine.