Accents
Prescription for Jun Lozada, interfaith bishops, et al.
Winter days on my side of the globe, the U.S. of A. Real slow time to whisk an idea to fruition. Words do not flow because today is particularly chilly—the chill aggravated by the confusing stand of the CBCP (Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines). From the hodge-podge of news I gather on-line and the e-mails I receive, I struggle to focus as to what to say or do for Bayan Ko in its search for truth.
Where was Cardinal Sin when we needed him? In the company of Someone Up There, the Cardinal must be shaking his head because the flock was found wanting. So the altar of truth lacks for adherents. Is this a reality we have to accept? No. Never ever. I think of my four grandkids—Jetrone, Raisa, Raphael, and Danika—and of the country they would be inheriting. Two are half Filipinos, but no matter. The pursuit of truth is for all peoples—fundamental and sacred. Truth knows no nationality, no color, no creed. Truth does not discriminate.
What to do? I want to take a complete turn around from the spell of winter, to shake off nauseating, depressive, sick politics, to rise over the heavy air. Nevertheless, know that I'm taking a breather only to be even more emboldened to serve, yes, Reverends, in the altar of truth, however so little—serve for the sake of the generations now and the generations yet to come in the land of my birth.
Laughter is the best medicine, the Reader's Digest keeps reminding. Kind of inappropriate during these volatile times. Humor may not lower the thermostat; nonetheless, it can usher in the heat to combat the oppressive frost, even if only in the mind. Let this column then be a detour from the pothole-strewn highway of politics.
Sent in via cyber-express by my folks in the West Coast in Oakland, California, these are actual church bulletin bloopers that could make protagonists and antagonists in the Philippine political arena hold their punches for the time being. A serving of hearty chuckles to make one momentarily forget the extra-judicial killings, the desaparecidos, the Joc-Joc Bolante fertilizer scam, the Hello Garci tapes, the P500,000 per head distributed in a Malacanang meeting (peanuts to Juan de la Cruz, huh?), etc., etc., ad nauseam. But first, a note to the Editor: the humor in the bloopers are in the typos, so don't correct the misspellings. And do leave the wayward grammar alone. The gaffes would give crocodiles, large and small, a rest from gobbling the government coffers. They would make Jun Lozada (of NBN-ZTE fame) laugh and banish his fears of sudden death. The sentences that follow are pills for his health, as well as yours and mine:
1) The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
2) Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
3) Thursday Night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
4) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
5) This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
6) Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
7) Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
8) Thursday at 5 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.
9) This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mr. Vassilas to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
10) The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.
11) Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
12) The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
13) A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
14) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
15) Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
16) The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
17) Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
18) 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
19) Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
20) The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
21) Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing for the girth of their first child.
22) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
23) The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
24) The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
25) The "eighth graders" will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
26) The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green who has Mr. Green with her. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
27) The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
28) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
29) Today... Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 8 p.m. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.
30) The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy." (Gosh, are they happy to get rid of the preacher?)
31) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. (Have the church and the community become insufferable?)
Now, go back to No.1 and make the correction from sin to son. Straighten out the rest of the bloopers, or make your own personal comments like what I did in Nos. 30 and 31.
Somehow, did the chuckles lift the ponderous, heavy, dark pall of politics? Czech novelist Milan Kundera spoke of the dangers in a humorless world. Welcome then little showers of laughter as we fortify the barracks for a new era to break forth.
(Comments to lagoc@hargray.com)