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Bleed myself dry
After cooking breakfast for the whole family, the weight on Lissa's heart that's been haunting her for the past week has, again, felt heavy. So, she went to her room for a moment, desperately seeking a time for herself. She sat on the edge of the bed and I saw the tears run down her cheeks again. She turned to me and took me in her arms. More tears began to flow and she told me she misses him again. I didn't know what to say. I just let her hold me tight and I felt the pain she felt. I listened and listened. Until the tears stopped falling. Then she sighed and smiled. I could see that she felt better now. She's like that. Easy to recover, ready to face the world again with a smile, knowing that life is so beautiful.
I'm used to Lissa. There are days when she would hug me tight every time she feels happy about something. I just smile and feel contented.
Sometimes, I feel neglected though. She would just put her head on my lap, then she would concentrate on sending messages to her friends. She loves her friends and makes it a point to get in touch with them. Her happiest is when she's texting him. There's this glow in her face when that happens. I feel jealous. There she was, lying contentedly on my lap yet oblivious to the fact that she is doing so. Her attention is all on him. Always on him.
I also know how she gets mad. But she seldom gets mad. But when she does, she just screams expletives, let out a sigh and then hugs me tight again. And she should say, "Relax, relax." Then she would relax and later on doze off in my arms. But before she does, I feel that hurt again because she mentioned his name again. Why does it have to be him? I've been here for her all her life, but … I'm feeling used again.
We had fun moments, too. I got to watch her dance. I know her favorite music. Sometimes, I don't hear it because she refuses to share her earphones with me but I heard her mention it to one friend over the phone.
She punches and kicks like crazy, too. "I'm alone most of the time so I have to learn to protect myself," I heard her say. Again, she forgot that I'm there for her always. Sometimes, I see her exhausted of taking care of herself but she keeps on going. Somehow, she does not know it, but my presence in her life has made her feel secure.
In silence, I had been witness to her life. I could say that I know her better than anyone else. I've always thought that her free-spirited nature caused her to be so misunderstood. But only she and I share the same secrets. Only I know what's in her heart.
I bleed myself dry for her.
Ever been a martyr like this friggin' pillow? Comments are welcome. Send to 0928-5057-824 or e-mail to lifestyle@thenewstoday.info.
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The following is a reader's comment on last week's blog "Cheat Codes." "I was not only entertained while drinking coffee with friends but more so I confirmed my idea why people cheat. Yes, I agree that it's because of that thing you call "the itch." Maybe that's the reason why other ancient societies allowed divorce, remarriage and sexual promiscuity. Maybe they were more intelligent and understand than us today? And, is it safe to say that human nature really contravenes religious precepts?"