YOUNG VOICE
Life's map
I was lost. The department store aisle numbers were a blur of archaic codes and the red-lipped salesladies were like aliens. That's because I was hypnotized with the glimmering playset of plastic kitchen wares. My six-year-old feet skipped their way to the toys section. A few minutes later, I found myself drowned in the crowd.
Fast forward. A week ago, I felt lost again. The midterm exam schedules couldn't have been more hectic and potentially traumatic; the course titles shifted into a blur of criminal sentences and the thick pile of lecture notes transformed into fatal and lethal weapons. Was it my fault? It was too much information to memorize and comprehend that my brain could self destruct any moment. A few minutes later, when I realize everything was actually for real, I panicked and lost my sense of direction.
If only the realities of everyday stress could be graphed by cartographers as easily as north, south, east and west, I would have procured myself a map and even spent on a compass. The state of not knowing where to go leads to feelings of doubt, agitation and anxiety. Man has developed the process of planning, making him the master and captain of his very life. That is why when the wheel is taken away from him, he gets weak in the knees and gets sea sick. I noticed that most people enjoy peeking on their horoscopes each day wanting to know what the stars might say about an engagement between some curled-horn goat and a side-walking crab. But, whether or not these predictions are credible, this only proves how most of us wanted a glimpse of the future. This only proves how most of us want our lives to be planned before we actually live it, because if the course of planning is during the execution, tendencies are rather often times impulsive and regretful.
I had always relied on advance studying. A few weeks before the exam, you can find me scribbling notes on the sides of my books and starting to memorize terms and formulas. With this routine, I retain that feeling of assurance and concreteness. But unexpected pressures of schoolwork piling in mountain-high stacks that one could simply be grateful for a simple grasp of air or some two hours of sleep, had to come. I once denounced second thoughts and insecurity, but I then realized that alongside these two stomach-churning feelings, come a long forgotten state of joy in confusion, cheer in perplexity --- hope. For me, hope is a paradox, the irony of being lost inside a department store but at the same time hopeful that your parents would come looking for you. The taste of bitter-sweet is better than simply just bitter or just sweet.
School, work, and life has many stressors. It would be almost impossible to prioritize and rank them. But then, if we are totally in control of everything, we could miss a lot from life like the adrenaline rush of anxiety and the sweat proliferating state of cramming. If we know every incident that may happen, if we have the perfect and comprehensive map of our lives, then life will lost its adventure.
Yes, the sea farers of today may have enjoyed the bounties of radar technologies and navigational instruments. But if you would ask me, Ferdinand Magellan in 1521 when the mariner's compass was the latest gadget, enjoyed more his voyage than the modern navigators did, for he had hope amid uncertainties of uncharted waters and uncertain routes. Who would have thought that in the end he discovered a strait, named an ocean and christianized our Philippines?
Certainty and direction give us assurance.
Loss and doubt teach us hope.
I hope my midterms went well.
(For comments and reactions please send an email to reylangarcia@gmail.com, an SMS to 09186363090. Visit my blog at http://www.theyoungvoice.blogspot.com)