Cerebral Combustion
Falling out of love???
Within the context of marriage, is "falling out of love" a likely rational matter for couples to separate? If "falling out of love" is possible, does it mean one can also "fall back in love"? What really does "falling out of love means"?
While having lunch with my husband sometime last week, our conversation touched into a surprising matter of a couple we know who recently have separated after a few good years of marriage. They have two kids and now have been living separately. What surprised us was, the cause of the breakdown of marriage was said to be that the other partner has fallen out of love.
Occasionally I have also heard cases of couples splitting up but not very often due to an easy scapegoat of "falling out of love", especially if the couple has been solemnly united in the altar of forevers. Being married is a lasting commitment that unlike any other relationship it is more rewarding if taken care of or damaging if not given much time and effort.
Even love is a tough business, so yes; marriage is about time and effort, more than just loving, and way more than that.
According to the Christian Marriage Guide, falling out of love is just a phase of a larger problem that has already gradually affected the mental, physical, emotional, even the social value of the other partner who has slowly or abruptly slipped away from the bond of marriage, not withstanding the duration of the relationship. Therefore, first of all, one does not fall out love by chance. People who have sworn undying love and passion to each other do not suddenly just lose interest without some very real reasons.
In marriage, you cannot just turn your back and leave especially if there are kids involved to complicate the matter. In a substantial way of defining the feeling of falling out of love, perhaps it is apt to assume that if one did, perhaps that partner never really loved genuinely and deeply.
That is just a personal theory of course, but one that is not far from the truth. Many cases are not simple. Marriage can be influenced by a variety of things -- money, kids, work, etc. So falling out of love may mean many other things particularly one that may involve another person. Most often, it just means lack of valued endeavors to keep love alive, exciting and vibrant.
But if falling out of love only connotes the feeling of losing interest, of changes, or definite differences, is it possible to "fall back in love"?
Being a married woman I believe that any couple can work it out but only if both are willing to talk their problems out so falling back in track of a good relationship is always possible. Any marriage will not last if one shuts down from the other. Like I always say to my husband, it is not always easy to bid old habits goodbye but it does help to make a commitment to compromise.
Falling in love is easy but maintaining to stay in love is difficult so strive for a kind of love that is permanent, long lasting, honest, respecting and responsible. Like most couple will tell you, marriage is a responsibility. You do no just love. You do not just accept. You do not just take things as it is. You grow a family. And so do you. You must grow with your husband, with your wife, with your kids, with your own life.
It is easy to fall in love. To be smitten and say "I do". But it is not when those times will come for you to say "I don't". As much as you have a great responsibility for your own happiness, you also do have a sacred task towards your partner, your kids and to your family as a whole.
Falling out of love is not a decision; it is a process and so is falling in love or loving a person for that matter. Early on, love your partner as much as you love yourself. Always take time to communicate, share, laugh, and experience both joy and morrows together.
Remember this simple plant analogy: a well nourished plant always survives and lives. Otherwise, it will wilt and die.