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Parents
During Father's Day, the first person I greeted was my Dad as soon as I woke up at 5 AM. I texted him and told him,
“Happy Father's Day! I'd just like you to know that no matter what,
I would not trade you for any dad in this world. You are still my best dad.”
I've always been daddy's girl. But, just like any other relationship, our father and daughter bond had its tests.
Test one: When my Dad decided to have a new family. Sometimes, I got confused on whether or not my father loved me and my siblings. But through the years, I have seen that although he may have stopped being a husband to my mother, he has never, ever stopped being my father. Dad loves me, my siblings and my half brothers and half sisters all these years. We've seen that through his efforts. He may not be physically around everyday but he has managed to help me through many difficult times in my life. I'd rather not dwell on the times when he “should have been there” because really, it doesn't matter.
Test two: My dad and I have different ideas. I worked for my father for half of my life, thus we saw each other often. We argue about so many things. He insists on the business approach in his generation and I insist on the business approach in my generation (parents and children involved in family businesses can relate to this). Until I just got tired of the arguments and decided I'm better off working with people whose ideas I share. This broke his heart but he understood, accepted my decision and our relationship's even better now because the arguments became less.
Last month, some friends and I gathered. A friend, Alma told us that her husband decided to cut off the allowance that he gives to his sick father. His reason: “He should have saved his money while he was young instead of spending it on his lavish lifestyle. Now, he expects me to care for him?” Now, his father is poor, weak and is in the care of a cousin. Alma sought our advice because she seem helpless with the situation. “He never listens to me. He said that Papa is still capable of looking for work, thus he should not be given an allowance,” Alma said. Her father-in-law is now 65 years old.
One of the girls in the group said, “Tell your husband to kill his father when he has the chance. With what he's doing now, his father wishes he were dead instead of having a lousy son like him. And to think his father spoiled him to death. Spoiled him, he did.” Another butt in with, “You can't change your husband. He's as selfish as his father. It's your son that you need to save now. Teach your son to love his parent, no matter what.”
In whatever situation we are in, there are many givens. One is our parents. We can't change our parents, but we can make adjustments on how we deal with them.
Those who think they were gifted with perfect parents, be thankful. Those who think they were gifted with a lousy parent, you should be equally thankful too. You see, even before you were born, your parents were chosen for you. For whatever purpose, you were given the kind of parent that you have right now. Perhaps you're just too busy looking at your parents' faults that you forgot that being alive is a blessing enough. You were given the opportunity to enjoy life to its fullest and to be the person you choose to be.
We expect our parents to move mountains to prove they love us so before we could love them back. We forget that they, too, are humans who have limitations brought about by their environment – family upbringing, financial situation, physical condition, among others. Just like everybody else.
I think Father's Day is not the only that we should give our father, or parents, for that matter, a break. Despite themselves, they love us and will always hope they can provide for and protect us. But they can only do so much and we should respect that and love them no matter what.
(Comments to katvillalon@yahoo.com. Visit my blog at http://www.kathyvillalon.blogspot.com.)