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Anger management
As I was surfing the Internet, I came across the news of a father who killed his two-year-old son because the latter poo-ed on the bed. The father hit his son several times with a hard object, leading to the latter’s death. I told my editor about this and he commented that, “He must be really, really angry.” That’s case number one: When you’re angry, you commit a crime.
Last Friday, my boyfriend’s estranged spouse texted me with vile expletives because she was too angry when I explained to her that it’s not true that I pinched her son (my boyfriend’s son whom I truly adore). Concerned that she may have made up another story (she always calls me at the office and always tells me that my boyfriend is stalking her), I told her not to drag the son in her hatred for me and should not be insecure because after all, she is the mother. Anyway, my boyfriend didn’t tell me her exact words because he said that “they are too dirty to even mention.” Case number two. Lesson: When you’re angry, you say words you’re not supposed to say.
A brother and sister were talking after dinner. Later on, a heated argument ensued and the the brother slapped the sister. Case number three. Lesson: When you’re angry, you get violent.
We are all guilty of saying hurtful things or doing things we don’t mean when we are angry. When we express anger in an aggressive way, we end up feeling ashamed of ourselves for being a fool.
Although anger is a natural part of being human, we can’t physically lash out at every person or object that annoys us.
When I was younger, I used to flare up at every small detail and get stressed when things don’t go my way. But, through the years, my varied not-so-happy experiences (thank you Lord for them) taught me to manage my anger better (not perfectly, I admit).
The most important lesson I’ve learned is putting yourself in the other’s shoes. People are pushed to react the way they do – may it be hurt, insecurity, sadness, desperation, abuse, etc. When you think of the reasons for their actions, understanding rather than getting angry, becomes your option.
One thing that is so effective is looking at the other person as you would a sister or brother. In reality, we are all family. At one time, I got irritated with the driver who kept on cursing and seemed to take everything that a passenger says, personally. He also said some hurtful things to me because I repeatedly asked for my change. Then, I reminded myself that he’s my brother and he’s probably have a problem and that I should just let it go. As soon as the thought came, the irritation I felt just went away and looked at the driver in a different light – a beautiful human being, specially made by God for a purpose.
Another very effective approach is breathing. Breathing from the diaphragm (not from the chest) would relax you. Sometimes, we are so angry we just want to hurry the breathing. Don’t rush your breathing. Counting backwards from 100 can do the trick. You can do the same when you’re stressed about other things.
In karate class, our instructor once told us to keep our eyes closed while assuming a kneeling position. The idea was to divert our attention from the pain on our knees and legs to another image. He also advised that it is essential to learn such because a combination of anger and the skill to maim is not a good one. By learning how to use imagery to focus on a relaxing experience or sight, anger would be defeated.
Another approach is to express your anger by talking to the person what you want and how to get what you want. This may sound assertive but you can be honest with people without being disrespectful of yourself and others. It is not wise to suppress our anger because by doing so, it could cause illnesses, with hypertension, high blood pressure and depression topping the list. Another result of suppressed anger is violence when the person eventually could not take it anymore. Another expression of a suppressed anger is when you exact revenge at people in not so obvious ways without telling them why instead of confronting them.
Are you angry today? Try these techniques before you hurt yourself and make yourself more unhappy.
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Wield love as your only weapon and you place yourself on the path of self-mastery, bountiful blessings and the perfect peace you are longing for.
(Comments to katvillalon@yahoo.com. View my blog at http://www.kathyvillalon.blogspot.com/.)