HEALTH LINE
Sex in the 60’s
ONE morning, while doing hospital rounds in the male medical ward, I asked a seventy-something patient about his age. With a sheepish smile, Lolo answered: “I’m seventy-SEX!”
Sensing the mood, I said, “Lo, should you need Viagra, just tell me.”
“Viagra? What Viagra!?” He proudly snapped. “I need ‘Visagra’ (hinge) to clamp it’s hardiness!”
“Scratched Surface”
I quickly glanced at Lola for a reaction. “Don’t believe him, Doc. The best he could do is ‘tawtaw-tawtaw’. In fishing, it means your hook does not penetrate the water. It only ‘tickles’ the surface.”
“Ay ang babastos na matatanda!” I could read this from the lips of a watcher while another one turned her back and made the sign of the cross.
Ageism
The elderly are the lonely lot, sex-wise. Society tells us that we should lose our rights to intimacy, which means goodbye to sex once we’ve aged. I’m guilty of it too. I feel “yuckie” thinking about my grandparents doing it. As if they have lost their needs to be coddled or desired. As if sex should always lead to orgasm (very common myth). But the elderly need to be happy, too.
Sex should have provided them with physical and emotional benefits as: better skin appearance due to improved blood flow, pain relief from a natural opium (endorphins) produced by orgasm, and stress-release leading to psychological well being. Yet, somehow, we push them to their misery, stereotyping them as sick, lonely, and sexual “goners”.
Vagina Dialogue
In women, menopause happens when your estrogen level decreases. This results to vaginal dryness causing the thinning and cracking of the epithelium (skin). The shape becomes smaller, shorter and less elastic. The clitoris becomes smaller, causing dyspareunia or painful sexual intercourse. Some secretions may occur but are less acidic making the vagina and neighboring structures prone to bacterial growth or infection.
For many, having menopause means no more monthly periods and no more fears of pregnancy. As Dr. Ruth Westheimer says, “They suddenly blossom sexually!” The clitoris may be small but is still sensitive, thus it can still achieve orgasms. Dryness problem? There are lot of lubricants abound. However, use water-based to avoid irritation. No baby oils, please. Avoid urine-enhancing agents such as coffee, alcohol and diuretic drugs. The good news is, vaginal estrogen preparations are now available. We’ll discuss about them in future articles.
To prevent urinary tract infections, maintain common sense hygiene: wipe from the front to the back after urination and wear a cotton underwear. Consider changing sex positions to prevent recurrent bladder infections (“missionary” notoriety). Please realize too that regular sex after menopause can increase vaginal lubrication and may prevent vaginal atrophy (shrinkage). Exercise regularly for heart and lung conditioning. Don’t forget the “love” muscles inside too by doing the KEGEL’s (See future piece on “Muscle That Controls”).
For (Old?) Men Only
The main weakening factors for the male elderly are: lack of urge or desire (low male testosterone hormone), erection problems (diabetes, heart and blood vessel problems), movement limitations (arthritis, stroke, Parkinsonism) and the fear that sex might cause death especially for heart patients or those who had had heart operations. Consider also ejaculation problems like Rapid Ejaculation or Premature Ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, or no ejaculation at all.
True decline in sexual desire due to low testosterone level is minor. Only when laboratory-confirmed can male hormone therapy be effective. Sexual intercourse including orgasm is not quite far as climbing a flight of stairs and other common household chores. Dying from sex is an unfounded fear except when one does it with a different partner at a different time and at a different place.
Dr, Adolfo Bellosillo, noted Cardiologist and President of Foundation for Lay Education on Heart Diseases, said: “An ideal exercise should use big amount of muscles and be pleasurable”. Ergo, he gave credence to “sexercise”. Except when you’re a “rap-jack” wherein your heartbeat slows down rapidly due to short “exercise time”.
Delayed ejaculation can be a plus factor: one could have an extra time for more passionate conversation before “letting go”. Erectile dysfunction? Oh! We have Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra. Watch out for future articles on: “Head-to-head analysis to shed light on which “hard” product to choose.
Give Them Joy and Love
We don’t have to give them sexual advices; they’re more conversant than us. Just give them privacy. Give them enough time for themselves. Erase our negative attitude towards senior sexuality. Understand that their goal is mostly for enhanced emotional pleasure and satisfaction than pure genital obligation.
Social Science literature states that partners having satisfying sex are more likely to stay together. Then I remember Estoy’s (my co-intern before) grandparents who were both 100 years old, both weak and trembling and bed-ridden. When asked for their 80th wedding anniversary gift, Grandpa, with weak barely heard trembling voice said: “Mga anak buligi na lang ako itangkas kay Lola nyo!” (Just put me on top of Grandma!)
(Our writer is a member of the American Association of Sexual, Educators, Counselors and Therapists, and The Kapisanan ng Mga Brodkasters sa Pilipinas. Catch Dr. Yap every Sunday morning at Bombo Good Morning Philippines 900 MHz, and Fridays at “Health Line” Wesfardell Budyong Kapihan TV Show/dyjj simulcast with Rexam Laguda. Saturdays at Pulso sang Banwa with Glenn Beup channel 5 Alto Cable 8 am. reactions are welcome at dryapjr@yahoo.com. Dr. Yap’s book “Joyful Life & Sex? GO TO HEALTH!” is now available in all National Book Stores outlets nationwide.)
