No Secrets: Jyrmeline Hulleza shares her life a single parent
* For now, I have given them my love and understanding. I taught them how to swim. I also tell them that I will always be there for them
Jygie, mother of three kids
A nurturing soul. That is how a mother is defined. She carries the child inside her body for nine months, where this growing new person will be cared for in the time it spends in the womb. But, her responsibility does not end there. She will have to continue caring for the child as it gradually evolves to adulthood. Even then, a mother never tires of nurturing her child.
Different people though have different perceptions, and equally different ways of taking on their responsibilities. Mothers have their own distinct qualities that set them apart from their contemporaries. Single mothers are not an exception. They are, if possible, even more of a mother than those with husbands, with them acting as fathers aside from being the doting mothers that they usually are. Meaning, they have to do the disciplinary duties as well.
One such person is Jyrmeline Hulleza, secretary of the College of Mass Communications of the West Visayas State University. Endearingly called Jygie by those who know her, she is a single mother to three boys. She has been separated from her estranged husband for seven years now. And she brought up her children through her own efforts with help from her parents.
Momy Jygie with colleagues
Q: How young were you when you started your own family? What was your love story?
A: .I was nineteen, a third year MassCom student. We met when we were still in the fourth year high school. Our relationship was nearly four years when I got pregnant. But, we have just broken up the relationship when I learned that I was three months pregnant. I still continued going to school then, my pregnancy was not so obvious. After I told him about the baby, we decided to get back together.
It was his mother we told first. Since she and my own mother had grown close to each other over the years, she was the one who told my mother about the situation. We had a civil marriage, as was decided by the parents. Our first child was a boy, Vanlen Jyro Joseph. At that time, I did not drop out of college, it was my husband's parents who provided for us.
Simply ammicable mom
On my second semester in my senior year in college, I had to stop because I got pregnant for the second time. This time, I gave birth to twins, Kent Adrean and Kenneth Andrei. It was not hard for us even then, there were people to take care ofr the children, so I was able to continue with my college education,and graduated in 1998. But, I also did my responsibility to my children. I was hands-on in their upbringing. After school, I would go straight home to them. My husband on the other hand was living like a bachelor. He went out most of the time, but he never spent any time with the children. Later on, I heard rumors about him having another woman, which I was able to prove to myself with my own eyes. He even introduce us after our separation.
After three years of marrige, I decided to leave him then. I did not want my children to grow up in an environment where the parents did not get along and constantly hurt each other. I left him taking my children with me. He never protested of tried to stop me. I moved back with my children into my parents' house, until now we are staying there. But, I provided for them myself, even before I moved back to my parent's house, I was already working to provide for us.
The twins, Kent Adrean and Kenneth Andrie
Q: Being a single mother, how do you manage your time with your children and your work?
A: Actually, my time is allocated more on my work. But since my children are also studying here (WVSU), it is easier for me take care of them. They can simply come to me in the office if they need anything. But, I also make it a point that we sleep together at night. At theire age, they still can not sleep without me around.
Q: How have they coped with idea of your separation with their father?
A: They actually understood the situation, because they saw how bad my relationship with their father was growing. I also explained everything to them inspite of their young age.
Q: What are your plans for yourself and your children? Do you plan on getting married again?
A: I want to work abroad for their future but the children would not agree to this. Marriage at this point is impossible because I am still married to my husband.
The oldest son, Vahlen Jyru Joseph
Q: What was the best thing you have done for your kids?
A: Best. I do not think I have done it yet. For now, I have given them my love and understanding. I taught them how to swim. I also tell them that I will always be there for them. And I ask them if they have problems at school, with their friends, or if they already have a lovelife, but luckily they are not yet intersted in girls. I want them to grow up with a "No Secrets" policy.
Q: What can you say about women who would continue staying in a relationship, where love is already lost?
A: They should also think, even if they say they do it for the kids, it is still not good for the kids to grow up in an environment where the parents are in a violent relationship. Why stay when there is constant fighting and the relationship is already broken?