Unusual Channel
Trapped in paradise or not
"I feel trapped", a friend just blurted out! "I feel trapped" is such a heavy statement coming from who I thought was a happily married wife. I asked her why and all she could reply was a painful sob and suddenly, I felt her overwhelming emotions taking over her. At that moment, I felt for her and thought to myself it could perhaps happen to me too. I didn't see her for two days after that and when I got a call from her, I knew she was ready to talk to me. And how ready she was that when she decided to meet for drinks in a place both familiar to us, she started sharing to me what happened.
All her growing up years as an adult, she was very independent (like yours truly). She relied on nothing but herself thinking that she could do anything if she puts her hand on it. She knew she became invisible to people around her because she was a serious doer of things with less help from her peers. Then she got married. She knew she had to change everything she's used to doing. She was to become a very dependent, submissive and patient wife to someone who has his own opinion too of a married life and wife, respectively. (Jeez, what love can do?) Her first few years of marriage were blissful according to her and were very ideal. (Whatever that means to her... hmmm) Of course, she also mentioned there were bumps along the way, marriage anyway is not a bed of roses so the cliché goes... However, her independent life before did not prepare her for the more serious situations. When her marriage had to be tested with financial troubles, she suddenly felt she had to do something and her independent mind came back like it never left her. She started to decide on things she felt would best get them out of the financial fix. Of course, being the male chauvinist and sexist kind of guy that she is married to; her husband got offended and started accusing her of being selfish, troublesome and useless at some point, kind of person. She could only listen and bear the pain of hurtful words hurled at her. From the independent woman and a woman who had her own mind to start with, she totally became reclusive, keeping her thoughts to herself, accepting whatever verbal abuse thrown her way... she created her own world and retreated to that world up until she couldn't take it anymore, then she called me. Notwithstanding the verbal abuse, she never retaliated like how it was before when people used to judge and speak ill of her.
In her mind, she only wanted to help and she felt instead, that in the many good things she did for the marriage, just one booboo and it was disastrous. (So the husband thinks) And because she was terribly hurt, she felt the world, her marriage and her future crumbled at her feet. Her heart turned into stone and she totally closed down all possibilities of reconciliation.
I sat there with my drink, listening to her but couldn't help being emotional about it too. I cried with her and tried my best to comfort her and talk some sense to her convincing her that it was not the end of the world (Hah! Easier said than done) for a while there, I got into thinking that I might be just convincing myself and not her. Then, she told me, "I tried to end my life!" "I took doses of sleeping pills and hoping to die instantly." When she said that, I looked at her with all sympathy, love and an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. Where was I when it all happened to her? Suddenly, I saw a window to tell her the most incredible thing. Incredible I might say because it took even me by surprise to have thought about it. Anyway, I told her that there is Someone who can help her. Not even sure what to say and several times I fumbled, I grabbed her and hugged her tightly, and I said to her, "My friend, I always remember this verse from the Bible, "Lay your burden upon me and cast all your cares upon me for I shall make it light for you". Not knowing if it was the right verse then, I bravely repeated it, this time I looked directly into her eyes while I held her hand. I am, I guess, more shocked than she was but somehow I managed to keep it all together and I felt that at that moment, it was what she needed to hear.
Weeks have passed since I had that meeting with her. I got busy with work and a whole lot of other things but was not remiss in checking up on her when I got the chance to. One afternoon, I was shopping for Christmas gifts 'because the holidays was fast approaching, I accidentally bumped into her. She looked happy and peaceful. We went to a coffee shop and started chattering about non-consequential events, small talk; then suddenly, she held my hand and said, "Netski, thank you!" I go, "For what?" She told me that the day after our crying and drinking session; she went to church and prayed like she never prayed before. That is not all! She said that while she was about to leave the church, she saw her long, lost friend and invited her to join a Catholic Charismatic Community. She obliged together with her husband (with much prodding to do on the male part). She shared to me the things she learned from the experience; her marriage now is better; it survived from the deep pits of unsettled differences to a more understanding and loving relationship. She needed help and she got it but I believe she made an effort to help herself too.
As I look back, I thought of my own marriage. Did I ever feel trapped that way? When it happened to her, as friends we were both lost and had no spirituality. We were both caught up in a web with strange "goings on" and unfamiliar as it is, we bravely traveled that path believing that we can only succeed with our own self-centeredness, individualistic and selfish ways. However, in the midst of being lost, we both realized there is only one HELP we needed. A bump here and a bump there made us both realize that. I am happy for her now and I am happy that her experience helped me too.
It was years after that I joined the Bukas Loob Sa Diyos Covenant Community (BLD - Catholic Charismatic Community) and I realized how powerful and sensible for me as a human being especially as a wife now to make a decision to love, understand and be with another person through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, till death do we part (you know the drill). That life is not perfect and life is nothing, meaningless without God. I have my marriage bumps and stumbles; however, I get up every time because God is there with me always. We don't have to be perfect in the eyes of our spouses. We just have to be perfect in His eyes!
"Two things a man should never be angry at: what he can help, and what he cannot help."