Serendipity
No
No. The two-letter word that I have trouble uttering. I have actually given up on myself, accepting the fact that my inability to say "no" is one character flaw that I will never, ever be able to change or shake off.
There must have been some weird chromosome switch or twitch that made me this way, or perhaps, if it's not some genetic defect, it's probably because I grew up thinking that only bad, little girls say "no". Whatever the reason, one thing's for sure, saying "yes" when you want to say "nyet" will bring you nothing but stress and a whole lot of pain.
According to studies, all of us have a tendency to perfectionism, and that perfectionism may make us feel that by saying no we are falling short of our own standards. Often we pressure ourselves, thinking that we should be able to do certain things, do them at a certain time and with little or no room for mistakes or imperfections. I'm actually guilty of this along with most women hyphenates who multi-task. We want to be June Cleaver, Wonder Woman and Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep's character in The Devil Wears Prada) all rolled into one. Well, this has got to stop, ladies. We can't be three people saying "yes" all at the same time.
And so, in the spirit of self-improvement as well as an attempt to lower my spa expenses (stress which manifests itself on my knotted shoulders and painful lower back can only be remedied by getting chopped and slapped in the spa), here are a few of the pointers I have researched and learned about the art of saying "no" and how uttering this two-letter word can actually save our sanity.
* Try and lose the guilt. Sometimes the reason why people get in a situation where they are overburdened with work is that they actually feel guilty if they even think about saying no to a request. If you are taking on tasks you can't handle just to appease your guilt, you're actually not helping anyone. If you don't have the time to do something, say so and try your best not to feel bad about it.
* Make sure you fully understand requests before you agree to anything. Sometimes wanting to help can be your worst enemy and you'll agree to something before you truly understand how it's going to effect your time. Try and get all the facts before you start adding tasks and projects.
* Yes = Stress. Keep your tasks and projects manageable. If you're overloaded, make a note of it and let people know. There is nothing wrong with trying to keep your projects and tasks manageable. Let people you work with know when they are piling too much and if you start to feel stressed about your workload, look for things you can wait on or turn down.
* Stick to your plan. If saying yes to something throws your plan to get something done way off, make sure you question if it's worth it. It seems that far too often saying yes to something just leads to more and more requests for your time.
* The best intentions might not have the best outcomes. Even if you feel you are helping by agreeing to take on a task, you may be actually hindering. With many projects it's better to take away than it is to add. Ask yourself if the task you're agreeing to is necessary and beneficial in the grander scheme of things.
* Make no mean NO! Don't quibble. When you say no, mean it. Stick to your guns and put the request out of your mind. Don't feel bad about it. A task you agree to and never complete is worse for everyone involved than a simple, solid, no.
"Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity."
--W. Clement Stone
(sources: www.to-done.com, www.syntagm.co.uk)