Dr. Kristin Treñas: On why a mother should be a friend
How easy it is to tell your most sensitive secrets to your friends. This is proof that you feel comfortable with and you trust this person. That is why nothing beats a mother whose relationship with her children is based on friendship.
Take the case of Dr. Kristin Treñas, a pediatrician who is married to Atty. Efrain Treñas and blessed with three children -- Jose Efrain "Jay", 24; Francis George " Quito ", 23 and Amanda, 16.
Kristin reveals that she keeps track of her children's life and they are very open about this, too.
Take the case of her relationship with Amanda. "At this stage, we talk about so many things, especially boys. I keep track of these. At the end of the day, I would often ask her about the boys who text her and why she hasn't answered them," she said.
Amanda said, "She's more 'kilig' than I am."
Kristin Trenas with her family in Macau
If they don't get into talking, they do things together. Sometimes, they would have a massage together and paint each other's toes. Now, how often do you hear a mother and daughter do these things?
"Even when she was a baby, we're always together. When I face my patients in the clinic, she's in my arms," Kristin said. "My brother-in-law even joked to Amanda that she should start training me to be independent of her. He said I'm the one with the separation anxiety," she said and laughed.
Kristin revealed that she knows everything about her children. She also has a good relationship with her two boys' girlfriends. She understands that courtship is a part of life. "People will become extinct if there is no courtship. If you think about the time when you were young, you will remember how fun it is to have a crush on someone and for that person to be attracted to you, too. So, why deprive your kids of this chance?"
For the Treñas boys, sex education started at age 15. "I told them that they cannot stop their hormones, but they have to be educated."
Kristin added that what's so painful about being a mother is when you let your children make their mistakes and learn from them. "If they don't ask for your help, you have to back off. Otherwise, they won't learn."
Kristin is glad that by letting them experience life, the kids have learned to be independent.
"One might think that a sign of being a good mother is when your children cannot live without you. Usually, moms feel good when their children cannot function without them. But I think being a good mother is when your children can be independent of you. It means you have trained them well."
Her advice to parents? "Be someone they can talk to. That way, they won't stray. It's natural to have questions and certain feelings that one cannot explain. If the mother is not open to that, the children talk to friends who know nothing better, so things get bad because there is no adult supervision. If their idea of an adult is someone to fear, to whom will they turn to?"