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That green eyed monster
Just last week, I gave up a friend after his partner (let's call her May) got jealous and sent me harsh words through text. I've decided that being a girl myself, it's best to stay away even if there wasn't any basis to be jealous about in the first place. After all, girls should always protect each other's interest. As I always said to myself, "Men are the enemy." So I told my friend to stop communicating from then on.
After telling another female friend about this, she told me that she, too was a victim of May's unfounded jealousy. It turned out that May nagged like crazy and calls her partner's female friends some low-life names. At first, I did not believe it when my friend told me his partner acts that way. After being a victim myself, I've proven it true.
Anyway, jealousy is a normal reaction. Everybody feels it. It happens because we are laying claim on a certain person or a thing as ours. "He or she is mine. It's mine and if someone threatens to take him or her away from me, I freak out," says a jealous person.
There are some who feel strongly about this and there are some who are just plain and normal jealous. The first type is a turn off. Anyone who is with a jealous partner will agree that this is a result of the attempt to be in control. When someone is jealous, that person tends to control everything you do. There are even cases of violence, which is already a sign that it's time to end the relationship.
I sought the advice of a psychologist friend, Jessica, as regards extreme jealousy. I always believed that this is a psychological problem. And here are her advises.
"Ask yourself why you are jealous. Has your partner betrayed you several times? If he or she did, then you'd better talk to each other and decide how the relationship should go. A relationship not based on trust will not last long. But always remember, if that person broke your trust several times already, he or she will do it again," Jessica said.
If your jealousy is just in your head, there are some ways to minimize this ugly monster from ruining your relationship and putting you in an embarrassing situation.
"Do not nag your partner. This is really a big turn off. In fact, you might even drive your partner away," Jessica warned.
She added, improve yourself. Jealousy is most often a sign of insecurity, not of love towards the person or thing you want to control. By becoming a better person, you will feel confident. Take up a hobby or project. Meet more friends. Enroll in special classes. Anything that could keep you busy and give you growth.
Again, the issue of control. My former friend would often complain that it has come to the point that he felt strangled already. Guys and gals, people have a mind of their own. This is also the reason why my friend couldn't' stay with the partner too long. He would transfer to another city, and then just go back to the partner when he feels like it. Although he loves her very much, there are times that he just wants to "take a break." For the controlling partner, Jessica has this to say: If your partner does things that hurt you, tell him or her nicely instead of acting desperate and pathetic.
To those with partners that are jealous, do not give them a reason to feel that way. There are times that it's our fault too. If you have broken your partner's trust many times, expect a lot of tongue lashing and even embarrassing scenes every time you're out of his or her sight or when you get friendly with the opposite sex.
Being trustworthy, trusting and self-confident. May all partners have these in their midst.