Blogger
Change
One Saturday, my friends and I took a break from our hectic work schedule and we decided to hang out at Langford. We still had a long evening of work ahead of us, so we decided to catch up.
While feasting on two slices of pizza, two servings of pasta from Langford and some burgers from SM City Iloilo, we jumped from one topic to another. As if the food wasn't enough, the trio decided to feast on my love life and and my dwindling party life. It was my fault, I kinda mentioned to them that my boyfriend was pestering me to go home early ... again. I even joked to Friend A that I feel like I'm having a relationship with my parole officer. Bebs doesn't want me to drink, smoke and party. And he doesn't like me hanging around wherever unless it's work-related. Friend A was quite concerned that I may have problems with the guy, if by miracle, we end up together. But I'm always stubborn, I just ignored that advice the same way that sometimes I ignore Bebs and just party even if I know it will cost him another sleepless night worrying if I'm too drunk to go home or end up with some fling (unfounded concerns) hahaha.
Anyway, Friend A said that the boyfriend is attempting to change me. What concerns him is that what if I make all those effort to change for Bebs and we won't end up together anyway. So, are my efforts for nothing? Friend V, who was in the mood for debate, said that "what if he's changing her for the better? I mean, at least, even if they don't end up together, she changed for the better, right? Somehow, he has touched her life in that way."
I've always believed that if you care about someone, you will accept that person for who he or she is. But I've began to rethink that position. After Bebs explained why he's so strict and I enjoyed its effects, I've realized he has a point. Since I go home early (not much hanging out and playing arcade), I've had more time with my family, get to play with my niece and nephew, as well as Princess, my 10-year-old dog in my room (she refused to eat if I don't feed her by hand during those times that I always go home late), watch movies, saved a lot (partying can be costly), lesser exposure to alcohol and smoke, worked on artworks, walking with my dogs or Bebs and had time for karate at home, and more.
That experience has also made me think about our efforts of trying to change people and the approach we apply to make that happen. I've learned that it's easier to change people who want to improve (normally those who can handle criticisms in a positive manner). For those who don't want to change, you'll just be frustrated. There are times that both would just end up hating each other for expecting too much. I'm quite lucky to have a family and set of friends who know that I'm imperfect yet will always be there to support me when my imperfection gets the better of me and puts me in trouble.
When change is concerned, there are two types of persons. One who gradually tries to change after reflecting from pieces of advice of those concerned and learning from other people's experiences. The other one is the type who will only change when one undergoes a really difficult experience.
To end this column here are some quotations on change:
"To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly." - Henri Bergson
"Re-adjusting is a painful process, but most of us need it at one time or another." - Arthur Christopher Benson
"The first step toward change is acceptance. Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do. Change is not something you do, it's something you allow." - Will Garcia, person with AIDS
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." - Reinhold Niebuhr
(Peace! Comments to katvillalon@yahoo.com)