Cerebral Combustion
Digging a hole for my demised television ambition
I took an exam early last week as part of my application as a production assistant slash writer at a large television network in the city. I've had one too many various kinds of tests before in my short lived careers, yet this one was my only shameful downfall so far. If my sense of humor was to be rated as my grade, I would have whisked away with a top passing grade of ten. For intelligence, perhaps you might have guessed, it is not funny. It might be a zero. The fact that it is not difficult is even more humiliating owing it to my narcissistic self (narcissistic: only regarding IQ matters) that topping application exams are my secret indulgence to arrogance. My overconfidence failed me this time. One particular part of it was based on current events. I have to describe a person according to his affiliation whether it be in an organization, political position, job description, etc. and state his recent involvement in the news. The fact that I read the newspaper on a daily basis didn't ease my torment remembering who's who and who did what. The bull of it was, I was not trying to be funny when I wrote Vice Mayor Jed Mabilog as a city councilor for his description, Angelo Reyes as PNP Chief, and Ronaldo Esperon as DENR official -- that among others. And then there were more I do not recognize besides the vague familiarity, I left them completely blank.
I remember reading the exam tag line before my miserable mishap: Are you a news junkie or is the news junk to you? In my head I quickly replied no, of course not. How could I be… and then there I was shrinking to my own demised television ambition. I have to admit, I justified myself if only to feel better. Besides the occasional pleasure of Will and Grace and the Desperate Housewives, I have not watched the news lately or any televisions shows at that, thinking that I can stubbornly conquer personal disbeliefs and disgusts over political distortions, social and moral deformities and other utterly dismal hullabaloos. My mood often alters after watching the news and they are not pleasant. And so my choice of being indifferent to the recent occurrences going around in this country did not help me at all.
That part alone could prove to be a formidable basis why the network will mark me as unfit for the job. My husband does not totally approve of me trying to get employed but this one is for myself, for my own personal expansion and growth besides being a family woman, a wife and a mom. I can proudly say they let me know I am best at what I do to them yet I think it is time to utilize some parts of me that can still be of an advantage. Perhaps I thought that was it. It had to be. It was my door for personal maturity and evolution. But I suppose, despite the optimism, it is not meant to be. Although it is not yet the end of dreams, perhaps there are more doors waiting to be unlocked. Or who knows, they might reconsider. I hope. I'm crossing my fingers.
(Your thoughts are most welcome. Mail me du_minatrix@yahoo.com)