The bigger picture of sexuality
Our main problem with respect to our understanding and attitude toward human sexuality is that this has been reduced to a purely biological and human aspect of hormones, passions, urges, instincts, sensual stimuli and genital activity, and a naturalistic sense of decency and nothing more.
This is giving it an incomplete, inadequate if not distorted and dangerous treatment. We need to bring it to the terra firma of its true nature and character, its authentic beginning, purpose and end, away from the swamps and marshes of the sensually, if not genitally, dominated aspect.
Sexuality is reduced to sex. Worse, sex is made the climax and end-all of our sexuality. All other considerations are made secondary, and even ignored, ridiculed and finally rejected. Thus, there is that growing, headlong drift toward an erotic and pornographic culture, at first hidden and later open.
Because of this phenomenon, sexuality is not anymore inspired by reason, let alone, by faith and love. Instead the savagery of the passions and urges is given free rein, with the matching fruits of all kinds of anomalies and perversions.
Many people are abandoning even the basic natural idea of masculinity and femininity. That our sexuality is first of all a gift from God, meant to enable men and women to complement each other not only for human development but ultimately for the final communion among ourselves and with God, is forgotten.
Our sexuality is a necessary condition of our humanity. Since we are not pure spirits, since we are what may be called as body-persons, our nature has been endowed with sexuality for a variety of reasons and purposes.
Among them would be the obvious differences between the masculine and feminine qualities in their varying degrees and levels that are meant to enrich everyone’s development and growth to maturity in the human and Christian sense, in the material and spiritual sense, etc.
For example, one can see the differences between masculinity and femininity in the way a room is cleaned, the food is cooked, the car is driven, clothes are worn, etc. And yet, in all these differences everyone can always derive something for his own good.
Truth is we all need both toughness and gentleness, action and contemplation, farm and home, etc., and these are contributed in different ways by the masculinity and femininity of our sexuality.
Of course, given our subjectivity, we can also get wrong in our understanding of our sexuality and misuse or abuse it, with the corresponding evil effects. That’s why we have to be vigilant and help one another live our sexuality properly.
One time in a family reunion, a sister of mine, in her 50s, said that she found it odd that when she visited a place frequented by call center agents, she found the girls quite dressed up like “kikays” while their male companions were kind of rugged, unkempt with beard and all, and she could not figure out how they could be together and even quite cozy with each other.
I kept my thoughts to myself, but in my mind, with what I’ve read, seen and heard, what sprang was the suspicion that these youngsters are playing a game very different from what youngsters of our generation played. I just told my sister to pray.
Among the big challenges in this area is the spreading of the bigger, if not the full picture of sexuality to everyone. It’s a delicate topic, I know, but it simply cannot be marginalized, especially given its character of immediacy, vulnerability and obstinacy.
This has to be handled with utmost care, relying first of all on spiritual and supernatural means of prayer, sacrifice, penance, sacraments, devotions, etc., without neglecting the appropriate human means of discipline, self-control, work, the art of sublimation, etc.
A lot of clarification need to be done, especially on the doctrinal level. The theology of the body has to be explained well, giving both its temporal and eternal dimensions. But the practical aspects of developing chastity, modesty, prudence, self-giving, etc. should not be neglected. This is the real challenge.
Besides, we really need to do a lot of cleaning up in our environment—in the media, the billboards, entertainment centers, malls, internet cafes, sport facilities, wellness hubs, etc. We have to break down the wall of biases that prevent us from giving ethical considerations to sexual matters.
With these things done, we can hope that more people understand the true meaning of virginity and marriage, and that in the end, we all are meant to be celibate in heaven.
(Fr. Cimagala is the Chaplain of Center for Industrial Technology and Enterprise (CITE), Talamban, Cebu City. Email: roycimagala@gmail.com)
