YOUNG VOICE
Goosebumps: I’m glad I fear. I realized that fear fuels us.
I felt my heart thumping. With every beat, blood rushed like another ambulance on a highway. I kept on wiping my cold and sweaty hands on my already damp handkerchief. I was already aware of my breathing, inhaling the humid air and exhaling the warm exhaust. I felt my insides twisting in knots and my fingers and toes were trembling in a spastic rhythm. I was scared.
And there it was, a piece of paper, freshly posted on the bulletin board, announcing the list of a concept’s top-notchers. Rank 10, 9, 8… my name was not in sight. Rank 7, 6, 5… it was sheer torture by the moment, my name was still missing. Rank 4, 3, 2… I should have studied more; my name was nowhere to be seen. Rank 1… I let out a smile. I felt my heart beat slower and my palms regained warmth. The fear was over, but it wasn’t overcome. I know it will return and send my internal organs into some minutes of inferno.
I fear of failure. I fear of ridicule because I wasn’t among the top. I remember back in grade school, I used to borrow a Goosebumps book from the library every Friday and for the entire weekend I’ll be enjoying the thrill of racing heartbeats and sleepless nights. Every episode has a unique horror to tell, from deadly Barbie dolls to freaky doppelgangers and a circus that leads you straight to hell. Every one of us has our own version of a Goosebumps book. Every one of us has our own horrors, has our own phobias, and has our own fears.
Fear is one of the few that weaves the threads of human likeness. Omnipresent as it is, man has been forever obsessed to find out how to conquer fear. The advent of relaxant drugs may put a stop to the physiologic manifestations, but the thought lingers. The usual advice of facing your fears one-on-one may empower you with confidence, but not totally eradicate the pulsating heart beats and heavy deep breaths. Dogs got me once running like a crazy chicken. Every time a sniffing creature came closer than a meter, I would panic, run and seek sanctuary. Soon, I forced myself to take care of dogs, and gradually I became fonder of them than scared. But, did it take away the fear? No. Until now, every time I pet my dogs, on one side of my mind just a tiny speck of hesitation spurts out. I still feel threatened; I still feel that at any moment they will bite, they will attack me.
Fear may be hard to wash out from our systems. But, I’m glad it stains deep. I’m glad I fear. I realized that fear fuels us. When we are scared of failing an exam, we are propelled to pick up our books and study. When we are scared of sending our family hungry, we are urged to ignore exhaustion, to ignore fatigue and simply ensure food on the dining table. When we are scared of losing the ones we love, we are driven to give them more attention, to love them more.
I realized that fear glues us to our confidantes. When we are scared of the dark alleys, we seek a friend’s help to walk with us. When we are scared of dogs, we find ourselves trailing behind the skirts of our mothers to seek refuge. When we are scared of death and the unknown, we gather up people we know who cares and share from their strength.
When we are fearless, apathy seeps in. So what if I fail an exam? What do I care if my family starves? We think of ourselves as invincible, that we can tread every route not needing any guide. If fear did not exist, I guess the world will be filled with big-headed, arrogant and self-centered people. Without fear, we become too independent. Soon, we will be disregarding the importance of our significant others. What do I need them for? I can do it alone. If fear did not exist then we’ll be living individually in islands. What a sad fate it would be.
I am glad fear existed since without it man, will be another trait unalike. Conquering our fears may be an overstatement. Managing them would be the term most fitting. When the fear attacks, we fight. When it remains dormant, we anticipate for its coming, and so we stand guard. This is the fun out of life.
There’s a reason why Goosebumps is a best-selling book.
Fear forces us to hope. Fear primes life.
I fear the absence of fear.
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